A child without a father
When the father is absent. If the father is far away when the baby is born and grows, it does not mean that the father can not feel a sense of belonging to it, care for it, or that the child is deprived of something.On the contrary.It is necessary that the father knew about everything that is happening at home, and received photos of the child.When his mother wrote to him, she sometimes tends to report only what is important to her: the child is healthy, he is gaining weight well, he had two teeth, the doctor said that everything is in order, in effect, he is ahead of others in development.Father wants to know all this, but even more he is interested in the small details that her mother was taken for granted.Tell us how loud the baby spits up the air, and how happy it seems afterwards.Tell us all that he is doing for ten minutes: he reaches for a magazine and then flops as taking in the mouth diaper as frowns and shakes when the mouth gets something bitter like leaning forward, looking at the picture,
Take as many pictures and send everything on which anything can be discerned.Proud mothers tend to hoard pictures in which she or the baby does not look like ornate or if the child is angry or cries.But his father, who is trying to imagine his family, we need not only a smiling face, just as a hungry need not some candy.Send the pictures gradually, but regularly and not occasionally large batches.
There is another consideration, a more serious and important.Father (as the mother) wants to feel that he needs, he helps the family.If the mother does not want him to worry, I will tell him just how easy it solved all the problems, all under the control of her father feels unnecessary.On the other hand, it is not necessary to learn about all the secret maternal anxieties, in which he can do nothing to help.But her mother always, there are many serious and important issues: how to spend the money, so that the child was in the village or on vacation;whether to send him to kindergarten the next fall;whether to allow him to climb trees, if he tears the clothes and scrapes his knees.Such questions would naturally solved the father, if he were at home.Perhaps he will look at them with a new, unusual for the mother point of view.And if he has the ability to solve them, and you will get a sense of intimacy.
Mother may seem that it gets and so we should not wait for her husband's advice.They only complicate the situation.But ultimately raise children - is the cause of both parents.If the father, long absent, starts to think that a mother raising a child properly, he would have a lot to correct after the return, it is able to make life difficult for a long time for the whole family.Sometimes it's better mother (or father) to agree with the decision that it is in his heart considers wrong.
How to compensate for the absence of his father.It would be foolish to argue that the absence or death of the father are not important for the baby or the mother easily make up for his absence.But if you arrange everything properly, the child - boy or girl - will grow a normal and well-adjusted..Most important of all a state of mind mother.Sometimes it can feel lonely, confined to the child irritable and will take it out on the child.This is natural and will not cause any harm to him.The main thing for the mother - to try to lead a normal life, to save her friends, to relax, to be able to do something in addition to the home.It is difficult if the child and it helps no one in her care.But it can invite friends or with your child to spend the night with a friend, if it is easy to sleep in an unfamiliar place.It is much more important that the mother was cheerful and sociable than maintain a strict and constant mode.And it will do no good if the All thoughts and mother's care, all its activities will focus only on him alone.
child, small or older, boy or girl, must have friends among men, if the father is not at home.The child is a year or two, you can often just to remind you that there are such beings as friendly man, they voices below, clothes and manners other than those of women.And boys and girls should have the opportunity to get acquainted with the older men and older boys.Deputy father could serve as a grandfather, an uncle, a cousin, shrugged scouts, teacher-a man, a priest, an old friend of the family - individually or all together.If only they were happy child society and could often see him.Any child aged three years and over in your mind creates a picture of his father, a perfect image, a source of inspiration, even if he does not remember his father.Other men, he sees that play with them, give vitality to this imaginary image, affect it, make it more important and significant.Mother will help if there is more hospitable to male relatives if will send a son or daughter in a camp where there are male teachers, choose a school with male teachers, will encourage the child to become a member of clubs or other organizations, which are headed by men.
boy without a father especially needs to be able to play with the other boys on a daily basis, if possible, and with two years mainly engaged boyish things.The mother, who has no other close friends, experiencing a strong temptation to make his son's attorney, get interested in clothes and jewelry, to find out his views and feelings to other people, to give him the books she likes, to engage in activities that she likes.If she can make your world more attractive to him than the boy's world (where he has to make its way), it can grow precocious, but with women's interests.Of course, good if the mother spends a lot of time with my boy, if they both rest and amuse, but it should let him go his own way, to share his interests, not only enthrall his own.Assist frequent invitations to the house of the other boys, participation in common with them entertainment and trips.