Do I need punishment?
The only reasonable answer is that the vast majority of the class-conscious and conscientious of parents believe that from time to time, the child should be punished.On the other hand, there are parents who go quite without punishment.A lot depends on how educated the parents themselves.If they are rarely punished and for good reason, they are, of course, will also punish their children.And if they do not punish, but managed to achieve a good discipline, parents will find that will be able to achieve the same with their children.
is fair to acknowledge that there are children who are very ill-behaved.Some were parents of these children are constantly being punished, the other - not punished.So we can not say whether the punishment or lack of effect.It all depends on how the parents in general imagine discipline.
Before further discussion about punishment, it must be emphasized that it never are no major instrument of education - it's just another reminder that the guidance parents need to perform.
main condition for good discipline - a loving family.You have to love, and you must learn to respond to love with love.We want to be good and accommodating (most of the time), because we love others and want them to love us.(Criminals, repeat offenders - it's usually people who have a child does not know love, but met only ill-treatment and therefore have not learned to love and respect others.) The child gradually ceases to take toys and agree to share with others around the age of three years - not only becausehe constantly reminds mom (though it is to some extent acts), but because he has enough developed certain feelings for other children: the love of it and the ability to take pleasure in their company.
Another important condition - a strong desire to have a child as much as possible similar to their parents.Especially intense child develops a courtesy, civility and responsibility at the age of three to six years (see. Paragraphs 505 and 506).This is the period when the child is brought up in the desire to help others, to be brave in danger, polite with women, responsible attitude to work, just like Dad.At this age, the girl seeks to help around the house, she likes to tinker with children (including dolls), she is gentle toward other family members, just like my mother.
Although children learn to behave in a civilized manner through love and imitation, much here depends on the parents, as you all know very well.If we compare with the car, the child supplies the energy for the movement, but the parents control the movement.The child has good intentions (for the most part), but he has no experience and no stability to constantly stay on the road.Parents need to remind him: "No, there cross the street too dangerous", "This is not play, you can injure someone," "Say thank you, Mrs. Griffen," "You've got to go now, because dinner is ready", "You can not takehome this machine because the machine belongs to Harry, "" You need to go to sleep in order to grow big, "and so on and so forth.The effectiveness of such observations depends on the parent sequence (one can not always be completely consistent), on whether they are talking seriously or just for show, is there a good reason for the ban, or comments or just want to command his mother.
Daily duty of the parents, so rigor to keep the child within good behavior.(You're not going to just sit and watch as the baby breaks something and then punish him.) To punish you resort occasionally, when your system is broken strict rules.Maybe a child tormented by the temptation to check whether there was any ban you have imposed a few months ago.Or maybe he was angry and deliberately misbehaves.Maybe he inadvertently broke something of value for you.Or rude to you when you are tense because of something else.Maybe narrowly escaped a collision with a car, because it did not look around.As you seething anger and righteous anger.At that point, you punish the child or at least feel ready to punish him.
best verification of the effectiveness of punishment - whether you've accomplished something achieved, without serious side effects.If a child is angry, behaving provocatively and even worse than before, then you're wasting it punished.If a child is suffering, then, the punishment for it too much.Every child reacts to punish their own way.
Sometimes a child breaks a plate or tear his clothes accidentally or inadvertently.If he has a good relationship with his parents, he is afflicted in the same way as they are, and to punish him is not required.(You better even to comfort him.) If you attack the child who regrets his actions, it is possible to deprive him of repentance and get to argue with you.
When it comes to the older child who is constantly fooling around and breaks the dishes, not bad to make him pay damages out of his pocket money.A child older than six years developing the consciousness of justice, and he understands the justification for punishment.However, this age should not be forced to pay for the child made, and the child up to three years, I would generally did not punish.Do not produce a baby heavy sense of guilt.The task of parents - to keep him out of trouble and not be strict judges of when they occurred.
In the old days many children were punished, and no it did not seem wrong.Then came the reaction, and many parents have decided that punish children ashamed.But it does not solve anything, if an angry parent vozdezhsivaetsya on how to spank a child, he reveals his disgruntled somehow in another way, such as abusing a child half a day or making him feel guilty.I do not advocate spanking, but I think that it is less harmful than long-term irritation, because it helps to relieve the tension between the child and parent.Some people recommend never to spank a child in anger, and wait until you calm down.It seems unnatural.Only a very cruel man can flog the child when the anger has passed.Some parents believe that punishment works well when a child locked in a room.The theoretical disadvantage of the punishment that the child begins to consider his prison room.In some families, the penalty is an effective order of a few minutes to sit in a special chair.
Avoid threats.They weaken discipline.It may seem reasonable warning: "If you go out into the street on a bicycle, I'll take away from you."But actually it is a challenge.The very threat contained the recognition that a child can not obey.Much more it will work, if you strictly tell him that he did not go on the streets, especially if he knows from experience what you say seriously.On the other hand, if you see that you still have a few days away from the child his favorite bike, honestly would warn him.Especially stupid and immediately destroys the authority of a parent if making threats that were never carried out or can not be fulfilled.In all cases, harmful attempts to intimidate the child monsters or police.
Parents who can not control their children, or too often, they are punished, are in need of assistance. Some parents have great difficulty in trying to control the children.They say that the child "does not listen", that he "just bad".The first thing you notice, watching such a parent (let's say, is the mother, so we'll say "she"), is that in fact it does not even try, although she herself seems that it is not.One such mother almost never carries out his threats.Another, albeit punishing a child in the end and did not seek the child to do what she tells him.The third makes just listen, but after five or ten minutes, lowers his disobedience.The fourth begins to laugh in the midst of punishment.The fifth only yelling at the child that he is bad, or if it asks a neighbor whether she ever seen such bad children.Such parents subconsciously expect from the child's bad behavior and could not do anything effective to prevent it.Without even knowing they are asking for the bad behavior of the child.Their scolding and punishment - a manifestation of irritation.Complaining neighbors, they hope to hear confirmation that the child is completely impossible.Such parents often been unhappy childhood, and they are the children did not get assurance that they are mainly good and able to behave.As a result, they have no confidence either in themselves or in their children.They need help a child psychologist or teacher.
Jealousy and rivalry
Jealousy can bring benefit and harm. Even in adults is a very strong emotion, little child suffers also because he does not understand that his torments.
If jealousy is strong, it is a long time to poison the child exist.But jealousy - one of the realities of life and can not be completely prevented, so that parents do not have to try to do the impossible.However, they can do a lot to ease the jealousy and transform it into the other senses, painless and creative.If the child will realize that his opponent does not threaten, it will strengthen his character and he will be better able to cope with competitive situations later in life - at work and at home.
At this time, it is necessary to help the child feel more adult. Most young children react to the appearance of a newborn in the house so that they themselves want to become babies, and it is quite normal.They are asking for a bottle with a nipple.They may wet the bed and dirty pants.Can start lisp and helpless to show that already know how to.I think parents should be attributed to such behavior with humor, especially when a child is experiencing a very strong desire.You can kindly refer the child to his room and, as a small, undress - all in the form of games.Then the child realizes that he does not deny the attention which it receives a newborn brother or sister.It seems that this withdrawal is very pleasant, and usually he quickly disappointed.
However, I believe that parents will do better if they refer to the desire of the child to become an adult..They May remind him of what he is big, strong, smart and skillful.I'm not saying that you should praise him as a salesman goods, but praise him when he deserves and when appropriate.At times, parents may regret to talk about the helplessness of the newborn.
Note that I do not propose a direct comparison in which it is assumed that the older child is better.If a child feels that his preference, it can bring him temporary satisfaction.But ultimately lead to partiality of parents fear: the child will be afraid that they will change their minds and change the attitude towards it.Of course, the love of parents for the newborn should be quite obvious.I just emphasize that the older child should be allowed to be proud of their maturity and bear in mind that the provisions of the newborn has many drawbacks.
But do not overdo it.If what the child wants, the parents will be called "infant", but what they do not want - "adult", it ends up that the child wants to be a baby.