Discipline Your Child
Some common misconceptions about discipline. In the first half-century studied child psychology in depth teachers, psychoanalysts, child psychiatrists, psychologists and pediatricians.Parents read with interest the results of these studies, newspapers and magazines are willing to tell them.We gradually learned many interesting things: that the children most need the love of good parents;that children do very hard work to become an adult and responsible;that many of those who subsequently gets into trouble, suffer from a lack of love, and not of "prosperity rigor;that the children are happy in school, if the material is appropriate to their age, and teachers understand them;that jealousy of brothers and sisters and the occasional angry feelings toward their parents are completely natural and child should not be ashamed;that the child's interest in life and for some sexual aspect, too, is perfectly normal;too harsh suppression of aggressive feelings and sexual interest leads to neurosis;that unconsciou
All these ideas now seem commonplace, but when they expressed for the first time, they were completely unexpected and made a strong impression.Many of them are contrary views, which prevailed for centuries.You can not change a number of ideas about the nature and needs of children, knocking parents confused.Parents, whose childhood was fortunate and who have grown up confident, confused less than others.They looked familiar with these new ideas and could even agree with them.But when it comes to parenting, they brought up their children as they raised themselves.And with their children turned out as successful as them.This is the natural way to learn parenting techniques - to grow into a good and happy family.
Parents who are new educational ideas were given with great difficulty, were themselves as a child is not very happy.Many of them have experienced both anger and guilt because of the strained relations between them and their parents.They did not want their children to have experienced what they experienced themselves in childhood.They therefore welcomed the new theory.But often we read in them that does not mean scientists;for example, that only , what children need - is parental love;that children should not be forced to obey;that it is impossible to restrain their aggressive ambitions in relation to parents and other people;that if something goes wrong, blame only the parents;that when children misbehave, parents should not get angry or punish them, they just have more to show their love.All these misconceptions, if they make far enough, it is not applicable in practice.They encourage children to become demanding and disobedient.Make children aware of the blame for his wrong behavior, force the parents to make a superhuman effort.When the child starts to misbehave, the parents some time trying to control his anger.But they eventually explode.And then feel guilty and depressed.This leads to even worse behavior of the child.
Some are very polite and well-bred parents allow children to be totally intolerable, not only with themselves but also with strangers.They did not seem to see what happens.When such situations are considered more closely, it is found that these parents were forced as a child always behave very well and correctly, and to restrain the natural resentment and hostility.And now they get a malicious satisfaction from the fact that their child is allowed to what they had to restrain himself;these parents believe that coming in line with the latest theories of child rearing.
As guilt felt by parents, leading to problems with discipline. There are many situations in which parents are aware of guilt in relation to a particular child.There are other obvious cases: the mother goes to work, unable to cope with the knowledge that she throws her child;Parents who have a child suffering from a mental or physical disability;Parents who adopt a child and it is believed to have to make a superhuman effort to justify the fact that a child taken away from someone else;parents who have experienced childhood as much disapproval that now feel always guilty until proven otherwise;parents who have studied child psychology in college or vocational school, everyone knows what to avoid, but they believe that because of their professional knowledge have to cope with the case perfectly.
Whatever the cause of the consciousness of guilt, it prevents the parents to raise the child.Such parents tend to expect too little from the child and too much from yourself.(In this case, more often it is a mother, because that's what it is directly caring for the child, but the same may well apply to his father.) The mother is trying to remain patient and calm when the patience she had dwindled, and the child has already passed allframe and requires strict exposure.Or the mother hesitates when necessary firmness and determination.
child, as an adult, knows when he misbehaves, rude and naughty, even if the mother turns a blind eye.And the feeling in my heart guilty.He would like to see it stopped.But if it is not corrected, it is likely to behave worse.He seemed to be saying: "How bad I need to be to anybody stopping me?»
Over time, his behavior becomes so provocative that the mother does not stand up.She scolds him or punishes.Peace restored.But the trouble with such a mother who feels guilty and ashamed of his failure.Therefore, instead of forgetting about the incident, the mother tries to make amends or allows the child to punish yourself.Perhaps, it allows the child to be rude yourself right at the time penalty.Or cancel the punishment, when it has not yet taken place.Or pretends not to notice when a child again begins to behave badly.In some cases, the mother of the child to provoke disobedience, of course, unaware of what they do.
Maybe all this seems too difficult or unnatural.If you can not imagine a parent who allows a child to commit murder with impunity or, worse, encourage it, it only proves that you have no problems with consciousness of guilt.Most honest and conscientious parents occasionally let the child out of control when they find that they were being unfair to him or insufficiently thoughtful.But soon restore the balance.However, if a parent says, "Everything that makes this baby drives me crazy" - this usually means that the parent is in the heart feels a sense of guilt and too much to allow a child who reacts to these constant provocations.No child can not accidentally annoying.If the mother is able to understand what she was too inferior to the child, and will show a hardness, it is pleased that her baby will not only behave better, but will be much happier.Then she will be better able to love him, and he - to respond to that love.
You can be both firm and friendly. child should understand that his parents, affectionate and friendly, have their rights can be firm and not allow him to do foolish or rude.These are more like him.So from the beginning he learns to behave reasonably.Spoiled child, even in his own home is never happy.And when he goes into the world - in 2 years, 4 or b, is experiencing a strong shock.He discovers that nobody is going to condone it;on the contrary, it is no one likes because of his selfishness.He was either going to have to live my life nobody loved or with great difficulty to learn to be gentle and friendly.
Conscientious parents often allow the child to use their advantage until they burst their patience;then they pounce on him.But both of these steps are not necessary.If the parents normal self-esteem, they are able to fend for themselves, keeping friendliness.For example, if a child insists that you continue to play when you are tired, do not be afraid to say it kindly, but firmly, "I'm too tired.Now, I honor, and you too can read. "
If your child is stubborn and does not want to return the toy to another child, that it is time to go home, do not assume that you need to have infinite patience.Collect his toy, even if it is for a moment and cry.
Let the child know that anger is natural. If a child is rude to parents - because something annoyed or jealous because his brother or sister, - stop it immediately and ask for courtesy.But at the same time, parents can tell the child that they know that he sometimes gets angry at them.All children sometimes get angry at their parents.To you it may seem contradictory: you seem to reject the sentence even before the baby is his left.Numerous descriptions of educational work with children indicate that the child feels happier if parents require him reasonable good behavior. But at the same time helping your child the knowledge that parents know about his angry feelings not get angry at him for them.Such awareness helps him overcome the anger and keeps the guilt or fear.In practice, a good understanding of the effect of the difference between hostile feelings and hostile actions.
father should be involved in the education of discipline. Father, to which his own father too harshly treated as a child might say, "I do not want my child to hate me as much as I sometimes hated his father."And thus avoids any unpleasant explanations with his son, giving mother all the problems of discipline.If the boy something annoying father ,null, he tries to hide this feeling and do not say anything.This is completely unnecessary.The child understands when he upset parents or broke the rules, and wants to be trimmed.If the father is trying to hide their disapproval or irritation, the baby just feel anxiety.He imagines that one day will break all this pent-up anger (which is often very close to the truth), and is afraid of what will happen then.Studies show that a child is more afraid of his father, who refrains from accustom him to the discipline;than the one who does not hesitate to punish the child or to show their displeasure.In the second case, the boy learns to receive a well-deserved, finds that the punishment is unpleasant, but not fatal, and the atmosphere cleared.Therefore, a child needs a father who is sometimes his friend, but always remains the father.
not say, "Would you like to ...";just do what you think is necessary. easy to get used to talk to the kid: "Do not you want to sit and have lunch," "Do not put on if we, now?", "Do you want to pee?".The trouble is that the natural response of the child, especially between the age of a year and three "no".Then the poor mother had to convince the child that done in any case it is necessary.In such disputes go a thousand words.It is best not to give your child a chance to argue.When it comes to dinner time, take him away, or take, is still talking about what he was doing.When you see signs that it is time to use the toilet ,null, take him there or bring a pot.Begin to undress him, without even saying why do it.
It may seem that I advise you to swoop on the child, not giving him time to recover.Nothing like this.In fact, every time you interrupt activity, which fascinated the child, it is better to do it discreetly.If your child is enthusiastically pyatnadtsatimesyachny inserts one cube to another, takes him to the dinner table with dice in his hands and Collect them only by giving instead of a spoon.If the child plays with the toy dog, when it's time to go to bed, tell him: "Let's get a dog in the bed."If your child of three drags on the floor the rope toy car when it's time to swim, ask him to make a long-long trip to the bathroom.When you show interest in what he was doing, the child becomes more tractable.
When the child grew older, it is more concentrated, it is more difficult to divert.Then it is better to advance a friendly warning.If your son is building four blocks from the warship, tell him: "Put the gun down quickly;I want the ship was ready before you go to bed. "So much better than grabbing it in the middle of an exciting experience, like in front of you is not a warship, and a pile of toys scattered on the floor.Of course, all this requires patience and, of course, you do it will not always.
Do not engage in lengthy explanations to the child. Sometimes there are children under the age of one to three, which disturbs too many warnings.year-old boy's mother is always trying to explain to him why something can not be done, "Jackie, do not touch the bulb of the doctor, because you will break her, and the doctor can not see."Jackie anxiously looking at the lamp and says: "The doctor can not see."A minute later, he tries to open the door leading to the street.Mother again warns him: "Do not go out the door.Jackie can be lost, and his mom will not find. "Poor Jackie ponders this new danger and says: "My mother did not find."It is bad to hear so much about unpleasant possibilities.This brings up the dark imagination.The two-year child should not have to worry about the consequences of their actions.This is the period when he is learning, doing things and observing the results of their actions.I'm not saying that you should never prevent a child in words;Only you have to take into account the peculiarities of his thinking.
I remember the superconscious mother, who believed that a child should explain all. When it was necessary to leave the house, it never occurred to just put the baby and go.She began: "Do not wear a coat Do we?" - "No" - answered the child."Oh, but we want to go out and be a little on the fresh air."The child has become accustomed to believe that the mother is obliged to explain everything to him, and this prompts him to argue on every occasion.So he asks: "Why?" And so on all day long.Such fruitless and meaningless explanations and arguments do not make it obedient and do not cause respect for the mother as a reasonable person.The child would have been much more happy and confident of its security, if the mother was over confident and friendly would be developed automaticity in the performance of daily activities.
If a small child was in a dangerous situation or wants something forbidden, do not persuade his words.It just need to drag and deflect anything safe and fun.When he is a little older and become more responsible, tell him "no" and distract anything.If it would require an explanation or reason, explain in simple words.But do not assume that he needs an explanation of all your orders. At heart, he is aware of his inexperience.And hopes that you will save him from danger.And he feels safe, if you manage them, but tactfully and not very noticeable.