What is nagging children
Nagging can take many forms.You are probably more than once found themselves in situations similar to those described below.
Nagging with nagging
«Mom, well, you said yourself that double play with me in the lotto once - in" Battleship "and twice read to me" Little Mermaid ", if I behave,while you talk on the phone.I'm well-behaved, the truth? »
Mom has promised to play with your child and read him a story in exchange for good behavior and thereby committed a serious mistake.Now, my daughter thinks it has the right to manipulate the mother, in her tone had already heard disgruntled notes, it is configured to start a tantrum if the mother does not fulfill at least one of his promises.
«I do lessons on Saturday night, just get me the computer game!" You say to the child that will not buy new games, but he tries to elicit the desired and traded with you, promising good behavior.Sometimes that offers child may even seem acceptable, but make no mistake - this is just another kind of whining
«Well, please buy me this dress at the school disco!I will not go into the fact that you bought me before, because everyone will look at me like I'm normal! "The girl in despair.She hopes that her mother will help her.After all, the "good" mother is to buy everything you need to daughter, so that she was not the black sheep among his peers.Only "bad" parents are deaf to the pleas and the suffering of their children.
«I'm not going to play football, because I do not get."After these words the parents covers sorry for the child, the heart is torn: they do not know how to help him, what to do.Parents are afraid of and agree with his son, as it would be to admit him weak, and not to agree, because, if the boy did not come out, come out, they insisted, and led him to failure.Caught in a hopeless situation, the parents give up and give the child the opportunity to dictate their conditions.
to this type can be attributed almost any nagging: "This weekend, it is necessary to go to Aunt Anne and pick up a jacket, which I had left her.I promised to give it to Jessica reproach, and if you do not fulfill the promise, it will not be with me any more friends. "Then, the tone may change, followed by the prosecution: "Well, go quickly!I need to take a jacket!it is very important to me, and you do not care! "Usually parents are inferior, if only the child was silent.
The above examples are typical for older children already know how to speak well.Kids who have not yet speak or say bad, get their way with the help of pohnykivaniya crying disgruntled sniff.All this whining.Therefore, parents should develop a clear strategy of how to deal with a particular case.
not inferior to the whiners!
Many will say that the behavior of Katy, described above, is justified and Andrea should pay more attention to her daughter.Working mothers often feel guilty because they spend little time with their children;they tend to give in to their demands and easily blackmailed by a whining.
However, note that when Katy gets desired, the problem persists.On the contrary: when the mother stays with Katie, the girl continues to whine even more insistently.Andrea complains: "The more time I spend with Kathy, the more dependent and less independent it becomes.I do not know what to do, because the crying and sobbing for any reason, keep me in constant tension.I'm sorry Katie. "
The problem is not that Andrea spends little time with the child, or that she is a bad mother.Woman every time falls into the trap of uncertainty and guilt (its weak point), but as a free, does not know.Rather than analyze the situation and make an informed decision, Andrea unimpressed.It accepts all sobbing daughter as a cry for help, which is the real mother can not leave unanswered.
Yielding aching child, the parents fall into a vicious cool.Children quickly learn that if mom or dad says "no", then you just need to ponyt longer and louder - and they will change their minds.That's why adults need to change their attitude towards the child's behavior.Often parents are inferior to the request after having spent so-called "educational work" - shouted at the child, read him notation, or made fun of him in front of friends.This is completely wrong.If time does not stop nagging, children become real virtuosos: they know what to do and what "pain points" push to parents arrived just as you want them.
Thirteen Olivia admits that constantly argue with their parents."But so do all my friends, -obyasnyaet girl.- If mom says she will not let me out until I do not do math homework (! I can not stand the math), I reply that she should know: I find it easier to engage in the morning after a cup of Coke.And when my mother once again begins to repeat that drink soda on an empty stomach is bad, I just do not listen to her and runs out into the street.So I always get everything you want, and do not do what they do not want.Inoscha our dispute lasts a very long time, while mom does not get confused and do not forget where it all began.Then she gives up: "Well, go on, but no more soda in the morning!"If I get tired of whining and bickering, I just promise you that this will not happen again, but then still do their own way. "
bickering and snarling to get independence, teens show their disrespect for their parents.Endless conversations unpleasant hassle and forced to give adults, family life becomes unbearable.
This is how the situation mom Olivia: "My life is like a bad movie.Everything is repeated day after day, and neither I nor my daughter do not get pleasure from communicating with each other. "Before us is a typical example of permissiveness and lack of mutual respect.The reason is that the mother could not find a consistent and effective way to communicate with her daughter.