Consistency in parenting

June 07, 2016 23:00 | Miscellaneous About Parenting

main thing in education - a sequence.Select one of the educational methods and use it every time the baby starts to act up.Do not scare children's empty threats, stop saying: "Once you do so, and I ..." and then give up and give in.

Children very quickly cease to listen to their parents, because they are often afraid of their empty threats, rather than to take action.As a result, children are no longer taken seriously what parents tell them.They know that mom or dad pokrichat, parrots and will not do anything.His wrong behavior parents show children that whining and whims - is the best way to achieve the desired.

But if you've decided to change educational methods and to act according to the "cause - effect" that will soon be convinced that disobedience and you can stop whining in the bud.Be patient and consistent;your reaction to the disobedience should be the same in every situation.Then after a few days or weeks you will notice a change for the better.

scheme "cause - effect" helps to cope with eve

n the most obnoxious kids.But if the child is very stubborn and rebellious, it will take more time and perseverance.So be prepared for that - keep calm and restraint and positive change will not keep you waiting!

Act calmly and confidently, using as few words as possible.

your actions should look like as a result of disobedience, not as a punishment.

No need to remind, persuade, irritated and lecturing.

Do not frighten the child's empty threats, and act.If you want to comment on the action, do it hard and respectful tone.Warn your child about what will be your reaction to the nagging, and proceed as promised.

child to understand that whining to no good does not, you may need a few times to get away from the cafe at the beginning of a family dinner.Gradually, the kid will understand that whining is no longer valid and that if he misbehaves, it will be to stay at home instead of eating ice cream in a cafe or go to the park.

Many parents believe that if a child does not read notation, the educational impact will not be achieved.Indeed, it is often difficult to give up morals and to give the child an opportunity to draw conclusions from the current situation.At the same time, this approach is the right one.

kids just waiting, you will explain and justify their actions.Indeed, in this case, you will surely start to get angry and nervous, and therefore can give up and give in.Do not succumb to provocation!

Explanation obvious consequences - is an indicator of the weakness of the parents, their lack of confidence in the decision.Keep calm and fortitude!You are doing the right thing, because the act from a position of respect for yourself and your child.

And now analyze the following situation.

Johnson Family sitting in a small restaurant.Ten Justin wants to order a steak.Parents do not mind, but it is very expensive dish.

waiter brings the menu, and parents to explain to children that everyone can make an order for a certain amount.Mom and Dad offer to Justin to choose something else, as if it will order a steak, they do not invest in the amount you planned to spend on lunch.

Justin starts to whine: "Oh, please, I'd like to order a steak.I promise I will not ask for dessert. "Parents are not allowed, and then the son goes to the accusations: "You deprive me constantly.Not much I ask. "

Mom and Dad ashamed of his son, they humiliated and angry.

Parents autocratic type, accustomed to the fact, would say to the children in all of them submitted to something like:

• «More nowhere do not go with us!";

• «If you do not shut up right now, at home, I'll give you a good thrashing!";

• «How dare you behave like that!";

• «You're not a little, behave properly!";

• «If I said this to my parents, I would have received a slap in the face, and you now earn it."

Such threats do not give any results.It is surprising that most parents do not understand this and continue to intimidate the child, threatening to use force.

Moreover, they humiliated themselves and humiliate the child.Children thus continue to whine and misbehave because they know that nothing will follow threats.If it were otherwise, whining immediately be stopped.Parents carried away coming up with terrible threats, do not notice that their educational methods are ineffective.

If Johnsons adhered to the principles of permissiveness, that is trying to be "like" a child, they would have tried to persuade Justin to behave decently, and in the end agreed to order the boy steak, accompanying it, for example, with these words:

• «You can booksteak, if you promise to behave well ";

• «So please be a good girl, do not make a scene";

• «Okay, orders a steak, I'll take just a salad."

You may say: "What's wrong if a boy will order his steak?" Think about it.Family goes for lunch, it is allocated a certain amount of money from the family budget.All family members should try to make an order so as not to exceed it.This is true.So you teach children to match the desires and opportunities, and to think not only about themselves but also for other family members.

If you yield to the demands of Justin, he did not learn to think of others and to respect the rest of the family.Parents of children warned in advance that they can only spend a certain amount on a visit to the restaurant.Justin does the same selfish, thinking only about himself and what he wanted to, and not considering other possibilities.

also need to pay attention to the tone in which Justin talking with parents and expressions that he chooses.If you give him, the boy will continue to whine around blaming mom and dad.But the problem will become much more significant in the future.If you give up the slack in the small, the child begins to demand more and insist that all his desires should be carried out immediately.

With years of irritation, misunderstanding, anger and disrespect will accumulate and gradually parents feel completely helpless because they do not know how to communicate with their own children.Therefore, proceed to re immediately.Starting is never too late.You can change everything, regardless of the age of the child and his time as a whiner.Of course, the hardest thing to change the parents themselves: to revise their approaches to education, to move from autocratic or permissive parenting style to a democratic.And if you need to re-educate a teenager, then you have to be more prudent and consistent in their decisions.

parents who really want to improve the relationship with the children, you need patience and a clear follow our recommendations, even in the most difficult situations.Prepare for the fact that children will change with bayonets, and stay calm.After a while they recognize your right, and feel that you treat them with respect.The older children are, the longer the process of re-education, as they are used to whine and misbehave.Take the mark, even small progress, steps in the right direction, and soon you will notice that the child has changed - began to treat others with respect, think not only of themselves but also for others.

Think about it: if a child is rude to his family and manipulates them using the moaning, the kind of person he would be when he grows up, and what they will teach their own children.

Parents should think about the future and anticipate problems that may arise due to the seemingly trifling concessions (such as steak).To properly raise children, we must be able to analyze the situation and see the effect of long-term actions.

There are several ways to stop whining child to develop in him a sense of responsibility, and to inculcate the habit of thinking not only about themselves but also for others.

Once Justin starts aching tone complain that he is not allowed to order a steak, both parents have to get up from the table, tell the waiter that we should leave (not focusing on Justin's behavior), and a calm, confident tone to explain all sitting at thetable: "We're going home.Justin his behavior shows that it's time to leave.Try to visit the restaurant next week. "

Pay special attention to the words that you want to speak calmly and confidently.As a result, by-responsibility for a family dinner spoiled rests entirely on the shoulders of Justin, because it really his fault.

If parents begin to chastise his son, or to show their anger and discontent, the educational moment is missed.Moreover, in this case, the boy did not understand what it was he by his behavior made everyone leave the restaurant.His reaction to the wrong parents will move the focus from the bad behavior of a son to his own irritation.

need only tell the parents: "We are ashamed of you now all have to leave, because your whims already in our livers sit" - and the focus immediately shifts.It turns out that the family dinner spoiled imperious and autocratic parents, because it is they forced everyone to stand up from the table and leave.In fact, Justin guilty and responsible for everything he should only.

only thing in this situation have a mom and dad - a show of force.Yes, they can get everyone to stand up from the table and go, but in this case the educative moment will not work and no one, including Justin, do not understand the meaning of such actions.

Parents should take nagging or bad behavior as the possibility of educational influence.If Mom and Dad will always remember this, they do not succumb to the temptation to yield to persuasion or simply to demonstrate their power.

It is not necessary to speak

• «Oh wait, that's come home ...»

• «Why do you always think only of yourself?»

• «Why can not you behave like your sister?"

• «More with me in the cafe will not go!»

• «you spoiled all evening!»

• «Why are you acting with me ?!What have I done wrong ?! »

It is important not to shift the emphasis, he must remain on bad behavior.From your words, the child must understand that he has made a choice in favor of bad behavior, and this has led to predictable consequences.To all this you have a very indirect relationship - namely, simply drove everyone home.Let the rest of the evening the child reflect on their behavior, rather than reveling in resentment of the fact that you do not let him order a steak.

If Justin was able to respectfully treat the request of the parents, the entire family would be pleasantly spent time at dinner.The fact that this did not happen and all were forced to go home, to blame Justin, and he alone.

Believe me, in this example, learning not only the culprit, but all the other children in the family.Remember: you have to teach them to think not only about themselves but also for others.

There are several ways to stop whining child to develop in him a sense of responsibility, and to inculcate the habit of thinking not only about themselves but also for others.

Once Justin starts aching tone complain that he is not allowed to order a steak, both parents have to get up from the table, tell the waiter that we should leave (not focusing on Justin's behavior), and a calm, confident tone to explain all sitting at thetable: "We're going home.Justin his behavior shows that it's time to leave.Try to visit the restaurant next week. "

Pay special attention to the words that you want to speak calmly and confidently.As a result, responsibility for family dinner spoiled rests entirely on the shoulders of Justin, because it really his fault.

If parents begin to chastise his son, or to show their anger and discontent, the educational moment is missed.Moreover, in this case, the boy did not understand what it was he by his behavior made everyone leave the restaurant.His reaction to the wrong parents will move the focus from the bad behavior of a son to his own irritation.

need only tell the parents: "We are ashamed of you now all have to leave, because your whims already in our livers sit" - and the focus immediately shifts.It turns out that the family dinner spoiled imperious and autocratic parents, because it is they forced everyone to stand up from the table and leave.In fact, Justin guilty and responsible for everything he should only.

only thing in this situation have a mom and dad - a show of force.Yes, they can get everyone to stand up from the table and go, but in this case the educative moment will not work and no one, including Justin, do not understand the meaning of such actions.

Parents should take nagging or bad behavior as the possibility of educational influence.If Mom and Dad will always remember this, they do not succumb to the temptation to yield to persuasion or simply to demonstrate their power.

It is not necessary to speak

• «Oh wait, that's come home ...»

• «Why do you always think only of yourself?»

• «Why can not you behave like your sister?"

• «More with me in the cafe will not go!»

• «you spoiled all evening!»

• «Why are you acting with me ?!What have I done wrong ?! »

It is important not to shift the emphasis, he must remain on bad behavior.From your words, the child must understand that he has made a choice in favor of bad behavior, and this has led to predictable consequences.To all this you have a very indirect relationship - namely, simply drove everyone home.Let the rest of the evening the child reflect on their behavior, rather than reveling in resentment of the fact that you do not let him order a steak.

If Justin was able to respectfully treat the request of the parents, the entire family would be pleasantly spent time at dinner.The fact that this did not happen and all were forced to go home, to blame Justin, and he alone.

Believe me, in this example, learning not only the culprit, but all the other children in the family.Remember: you have to teach them to think not only about themselves but also for others.

your kids or friends with whom you discuss educational methods, can say that it is unfair to deprive all a pleasant evening due to one culprit.You can say that you do not see any other way to convey to children the understanding that their behavior affects others.

Another important message lies in the words "Let's try to visit the restaurant next week."Thus parents are confident that the child will change their behavior and correct.Next week, he'll be able to show it.

Think about the importance of these simple words.The parents of the child are respected and believe that he can get better.This positive message is very important for children.The child must know that he has the opportunity to reform - this is one of the foundations of a democratic approach to education.

To reiterate: if a child has no respect for loved ones, his family, how he will build relationships with others?

Consider how such an approach is effective intimidation ( "Never again will not go with me to the cafe").After all, you know very well that this is an empty threat, you're not going to perform.In such phrases, do not give any result, the educational process is built in a modern society.It's time to act differently.

There is another way to deal with the vagaries, however, less effective than the one about which we spoke.If you feel uncomfortable due to the fact that it is necessary to take a crying child in his arms and leave the cafe, try not to react to the nagging.

Talk with her husband and other children about everything, but not about the bad behavior of the offender.When the waiter will approach you, ask your child to choose two dishes within the allocated budget, and if he did not choose, then do it for him.All actions to be performed safely and without further ado.

For example, you have to offer, "Justin, what do you want: a hamburger or a sandwich with beef" In response, the boy said he did not want anything.You ignore his remark and order a hamburger.In this case, the child realizes that because of his whims, he lost his choices.This approach works best with small children.But if you start to do so as soon as possible, you do not have to endure the vagaries of preteen.This is not true.