The child's participation in family affairs
In the old days, most people worked the land and lived the fruits of their labor, so the basic principle of any family, applies to adults and children, was: "Who does not work shall not eat."
But society is constantly evolving, from simple forms to more complex existence, and gradually people have forgotten what it means to live in the land to see the results of their labor, to perform the duties and to benefit his family and society.
In many modern families, children do not participate in family affairs and does not help with the housework.If they will be removed in my room and put toys in place, it is regarded as an achievement.But often children do not even want to do such minimum obligation.
If parents find it difficult to get kids away in her room, you can imagine what will happen when they have to perform more serious and governmental orders answer.Adults know that any request to help around the house will be met with hostility, so do not even try to bring a child to work.It is better to clean t
But remember the "good old days" when everyone was doing something useful for society and aware of their importance.Where did this invaluable experience?In modern society, a person harder to realize their own importance, because the benefits that it brings, is not as obvious as it was in the agrarian era, but feel their own utility and now it is important for our self-esteem.
Remember my children when they were three - four years - they want to help you in every way to clean floors, do laundry, cook, fill the bed.They enthusiastically took up any business, wanted to learn everything.
Where it all go?Why now you can not force these children to help you around the house?Because an early age the child's natural desire to learn something new, helping seniors, suppressed.Parents want everything to be done "correctly", that is, accurately and quickly, and perhaps it was a pity to time trying to mess with a kid who wanted to help them.
We forget that when a child wants to help us, he really seeks to learn something new.Parents of children are deprived of the opportunity to learn good example to take part in family matters and help around the house, thereby preventing them find positive ways to assert themselves.
First, children learn to be useful to his family.A wrong upbringing of parents sought only one thing: the child can not do anything and does not want to do myself, because I always waiting for him all that will make mom and dad.Think how hard it would be to your children when they grow up, if they do not learn how to help others and to think not only about themselves but also for others.
Modern parents are too often refuse to help children on the grounds that they are tired, they have no time or do they want everything to be done quickly and correctly.For example, when a two-year assistant eager to wash the dishes, my mother immediately it discourages "Do not.I'll do it myself.You're still too small. "This is the first step to eradicate the natural desire of children to learn and to benefit the family.
And when the child becomes a teenager, the parents wonder why he does not want to get up from the couch to help bring to the house of a package with products.This is the result of wrong actions of their parents, when they did not allow their young child to participate in domestic affairs.
There is no denying the fact that today's parents are very busy.And when they give up the child offers to help them, it is primarily based on the fact that the work in this case will take more time - in fact, any home business, such as washing dishes, the child perceives as a game.In addition, it can break something, or wash the dishes clean enough.That is why parents try to take the child something else, do get the job done and forget about it.In addition, we are often too concerned about the outcome.Of course, the child does not do the job as quickly and accurately as mom or dad, so parents do not even give him the opportunity to help them.
If you recognize yourself in this approach to education, it is time to start work on the bugs.Do not suspend children from household chores, do not submit them to watch TV while you make dinner or wash your dishes.Give them the opportunity to feel useful and needed by family members.If you do not do it now, while the children are small, then later to retrain them will be much harder.In addition, becoming older, they will find other means of self-affirmation - a nagging moods, bad behavior.
Let the kid do the dishes.After all, it is possible to wash clean later, when he goes to bed.Depriving the child positive ways of self-affirmation, you do not leave him no choice.How else could he get your attention and make his own importance, if not screaming, whims and whining?
Each person is important to feel that his family appreciate and love.The feeling of self-importance and usefulness is necessary for us as air.And if you can not achieve this constructive actions, then in the course are devastating.In the example below, we show how to change the reaction of parents to the child's desire to help them effect on family relationships.
For several months, Katie tries to teach his seven-year daughter to set the table.She already tried to persuade her, and promised to encourage and constantly reminded of its request, but it was all to no avail.
Cindy began often set the table, but then was distracted and did not bring it started to end, which is very annoyed Katie.She decided to leave this venture, and set the table herself, her daughter expressing their anger.In response, the girl just shrugged and went to watch TV.
But once Kathy have a new opportunity to re-educate her daughter.One evening, when she bathed the younger sons, went to the bathroom and asked Cindy if she could cook for dinner a fruit salad.
first Katie wanted to answer "no," but then, remembering the principles referred to in this article, readily agreed: "Thank you!Of course, we prepare a fruit salad. "Kathy washed the kids and went to the kitchen.The salad was ready: daughter sliced fruit in a bowl, poured their yoghurt, chocolate syrup and mix everything carefully.But the most surprising - the girl set the table!
However, fruit salad vnlyadel not very appetizing, but it turned out delicious and everyone liked.The Pope also praised it highly.
Parents praised and thanked salad Xing Di for help.Girl just beaming with happiness.She now every night without reminders setting the table.The parents say that her behavior has improved considerably, and this is not surprising.Cindy has found its place in the family, she now feels its significance.And Katie had to do was to believe his daughter, and did not stop it from acting independently.
If Katie on request daughter replied "no", it would have sounded like a few negative promises:
• «Do you not work";
• «I do it better than you";
• «I do not believe that you can do it."
Of course, the parents explain the failure of fatigue, problems at work or rush, but it does not change the negative impact that has on children are unconscious promises.Allow your child to do homework feasible, did not dwell on its results, or the time of the assignment.Always tell the kids that you appreciate their help and look forward to it.
But do not overdo it, because the children are very thin feel any falsity.Quite a few phrases to thank the kid and let him know that he really helped you.For example:
• «Thank you for helping me fold laundry";
• «You are very carefully washed the car with my dad.Look what it is now clear ";
• «I was so tired at work.Thank you laid the table without reminders.You helped me a lot";
• «Well done!You're very pure washed the dishes. "
can not tell a lie.For example, if a fruit salad, which is prepared Cindy, was not very tasty, the parents would have tried it and thanked the girl for his efforts, as well as for the fact that she set the table.
You will surely have noticed that participation in family matters is not only helps the child to develop a sense of responsibility and learn to do housework, but also to become more attentive to others.For example, helping you prepare dinner, the child learns to appreciate what others do for him, and understands that in a harmonious relationship is necessary not only to receive but to give.
In the example below, we show what happens when parents spoil the children, teach them not to think of others and help someone you know.
Donna caught a cold and was so weak that she could not even get out of bed.Her eight-year old daughter, Megan, accustomed to think only of themselves, would not let her rest.When Donna told that he could not read her bedtime stories, as usual, Megan was very unhappy.
girl began to harass my mother whining and whims, so that she, in spite of everything, still revered her tale.Soon Methane made a real scandal loudly crying, screaming, stamping their feet and rolled on the floor.
Usually in such situations, Donna inferior daughter, but now she just did not have to even move forces, not to mention the fact, to get out of bed and read stories.Therefore, she had no choice but to ignore the whims of Megan.In the end, the girl was tired and cranky slept on the floor next to the mother's bed.
That evening there was a significant change in the attitude of Donna and Megan.Mom realized that if you do not pay any attention to whims, they will sooner or later stop.My daughter fell asleep herself, the patient and her mother did not have to calm her tales.
As a child should behave in such a situation?Of course, parents want he showed understanding and sympathy, help them, instead of trying in whatever was to have his own.Sensitive, responsive child in such a situation can put yourself in the mother, will understand that it is now bad, and try to do something to help.
If you teach children to be responsible and take care of others, such behavior will soon have a habit.The task of parents - by example, and by receiving the "cause - effect" form in children the notion that they need help around the house and participate in family affairs.This is especially true when someone is ill or in need of help.
The sooner you start teaching your child responsibility, the less you will have problems in the future.Encourage children to participate in family affairs and benefit in several ways.On some of them we have already said, but remember again.
• If the job is not done, apply effects, he earned his act.
• Ask your child to help, and if he refuses, do not force it, but simply to express the hope that it will help you the next time.
• Children should be involved in the distribution of household duties between family members.
• Let your child help you decide what effect it expects for the failed task.
• Do not remind the children that when they need to do.
Here are a few examples of the consequences that come into force, if not done this or that homework:
child forgot to do the dishes or take out the trash.
mom does not cook dinner because the kitchen a mess.
child is not covered on the table.
Cooked food is removed in the refrigerator until the next meal.
child does not put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.
The washing machine is put only clothes from the basket, scattered clothing is dirty.
child does not put it in his room.
Parents put in garbage bags scattered toys and carry them out of the room.After a while things can return.
child is not vacuumed.
Pope himself vacuuming the rooms and subtracts from the child's pocket money amount due for the work.
Nothing brings the child self-reliance, as a mother with a broken leg!
When a mother can not do all the housework, the child has to take over the household chores.We have found through personal experience that most children are happy to belong to the new responsibilities and willing to do housework.
to teach a child to help around the house, you need to be firm and assertive.It is also important to emphasize the positive trends and praise children for their efforts.
Here are some tips that will help you to be consistent.
• Adhere to the established effects.In other words, if you say that you can not cook in a dirty kitchen, do not cook.Remained adamant even when the child immediately begins to wash the dishes and in a hurry to throw away garbage.
• Do not be tempted to remind your child about the consequences that will come, if it does not meet its domestic responsibilities in time.It degrades your dignity.Determine what will be the consequences once and follow its promise.
• Do not allow concessions.Remain firm and be kind to your child, but do not forget about the goal - to help teach him the consequences of that inattention to her duties did not get away with it.
• Do not engage in a dispute with the child and does not justify these or other consequences.Believe me, the children themselves are well aware, that did wrong.Apply that must be followed, and continue to go about their business.
• If a child starts to argue and complain, do not yield.Maintain a neutral position, show kindness and show that surprised by this behavior.Surely the child simply does not understand that his whims may lead to such a result.
• Always express the hope that the next time the child improve.Say: "Let's see what will happen the next time."And do not come back to this topic.This decision shows the child that you trust him and he will have an opportunity to improve.Children are very important to know that they have a chance to make things right.
Now consider the effect of the above mentioned principles by example.
you ask your son thirteen help you bring the car products.Rather, it starts to ache and refuses, or says: "Now, only the transfer of the inspection."
can react the way, perhaps you usually do: order to get out of the couch and help you start to complain that his son does not help you, or yell at him.Such reactions and awaiting your child.Therefore, change tactics.Try to surprise him, saying kindly: "Well, help me next week", store buying a house for yourself and do not say anything.
In most cases, the child, surprised unexpected response, immediately rush to help you.Take care for granted, not scattered in gratitude, it will be enough just to say "thank you".
Parents difficult to accept such an approach, because they are accustomed to constantly fight with the children for influence in the family.For them, it is important not to place products in the house, and prove your child and yourself, who is the chief of the family.
Now you need to think about how to distribute homework and determine the consequences that await children of disobedience.Choose a time when all family members in the assembly.
fair to draw straws.Whoever pulled the longest chooses homework per vym, then so do the others, yet all will not get the job.
Mom and Dad are involved in the distribution of responsibilities on a par with children.The following week, members of the family are changing duties to each tried to carry out different jobs and did not believe that he got the heaviest.
If you give up the desire at all costs to show your child that you are in the main house, the conflict dissipated.His calm and friendly tone you open the way to cooperation.When parents behave this way, the children easily and quickly perceive the requirements and wishes.
If someone forgets to fulfill its mission, it is fraught with consequences (some of which we have already described).You can offer to children on their own to discuss the consequences for disobedience.