The strictness or leniency ?

August 12, 2017 17:51 | Parents


This is a very difficult question for many inexperienced parents. Most parents eventually find the right answer.But some, no matter how experienced they may be, is constantly worried.

I can immediately express your opinion here, and say that in fact that's not the severity or mildness.Good parents, who are not afraid to be firm, where appropriate, achieve good results, and at a moderate stringency, and moderate softness.On the other hand, the rigor that comes from violence, or softness, which is due to timidity or indecision, lead to bad consequences.It all depends on your relationship to the child and from your educational principles.

The approach has undergone great changes in education. It is difficult to understand this question without a little historical review.The strictness of education significantly vary from one period to another.Victorian period, for example, differed a great strictness regarding good manners and modest behavior.In the twentieth century, especially after World War I, bega

n a reaction to the excessive rigor.It is determined by several factors.Great American pioneers in the field of educational research, such as John Dewey and William Kilpatrick, proved that the child learns better and faster if the teacher adapts to the level of his mental and physical development, and at the same time acknowledges that the child wants and is willing to learn.Freud and his followers have shown that too stubborn to teach to use the toilet or intimidation of the child's sex problems can distort his personality and lead to neuroses.The study of juvenile offenders has shown that most of them suffered in childhood is not from a lack of rigor, and from a lack of love and attention.These findings, along with many others, have led to a general weakening of rigor in the approach to children and to strengthen the focus on them as individuals.Famous American pediatricians Aldrich, Powers, Gesell used a similar approach to health care for infants and older children.But until the forties, the doctors insisted on strict adherence to the rules of feeding babies, fearing that the irregular feeding and different amounts of the mixture lead to diseases of the stomach and increase child mortality.However, the results of the experiments of Dr. Francis Preston Maklendona and Simsaryan, published in 1942, helped convince physicians that children themselves can determine their feeding schedule and still remain quite healthy.From this point there have been rapid and drastic changes in medical practice.Today, the majority of babies in the United States have a more or less flexible feeding schedule.

Physicians who strongly warned parents not to spoil the child, are now advised to satisfy his needs, not only in food but also in the love and affection.

These findings and the changes in relation to children and parenting methods were beneficial for the majority of children and parents.Less was nervous, more happy.

But in a culture like ours, it is impossible to go through a similar change of philosophy - it can be called a revolution, - not give rise to doubts and confusion in so many parents.It is human nature to try to raise their children as educated himself.It is easy enough to learn new trends regarding vitamins and vaccinations.But if you are very very strictly brought up, they demanded unconditional obedience from you, good manners, truthfulness, if the parents were strict in matters of sex, it is quite natural, even inevitable that you will try to bring up the same way, and their children.You may change your views influenced read or heard, but when your child is going to do something that was considered bad in the days of your childhood, you start to get nervous, anxious or angry.And there is nothing to be ashamed of.The nature of the fact and expects that you will raise children with an eye to their own childhood.That is why the different civilizations were able to maintain stability, transferring their ideals from generation to generation.

Many parents bring up their children well, despite the accomplished in the last fifty years of change, it is because they themselves once grew happy;they continued to raise their children the way they were brought up themselves, but at the same time take into account the new theories and methods, and not go to extremes.When doctors have stressed the need for strict regularity feeding in general, parents generally followed these guidelines (and most children most cases this adapted), but were not afraid at the same time to withdraw from the schedule if the child is very hungry,because deep down knew that his claims are true.

When doctors began later to promote a flexible approach to the daily routine of the child, conscious parents and it did not bring to the extreme.They laid sleepy, but stubborn and unwilling to go to the child to bed, because they knew very well (mostly on his own childhood experiences) that sleep - a sleep and no theory of flexibility and variability of regulations can not cancel it.

parents entangled in new theories, there are basically two kinds.Firstly, those who have grown unsure of themselves and in their ability to think clearly.If you do not trust yourself, willy-nilly, you will rely on the opinion of someone else.The second group consists of parents, who believe that they were brought up very strictly.They remember how indignant with their parents at times, and do not want their children to also treat them.But to achieve this it is very difficult.If you want to raise their children the way you raised, you just follow the existing pattern.You know what the obedient and polite want to see their children.You do not need to invent anything.But if you want to educate them not as themselves were brought up, such as softer or less arbitrarily, before you do not have to follow the sample.If the situation gets out of control - for example, the child begins to abuse your indulgence and gentleness - you find it difficult to correct the situation.Are you angry with the child, but the more you get angry, the more you have a feeling of guilt: you are afraid that stand on the same path, which is so eager to avoid.

Of course, I exaggerate.We all, as young parents, partly agree, partly disagree with the way we were brought up.The point is the degree of agreement or disagreement.Most find a compromise, which they more or less satisfied.I'm exaggerating in order to underline the difficulties faced by some parents.