Contact the individual with distant relatives and neighbors
We have established a strong bond of the individual with distant relatives and friends.Notice the deep and comprehensive relationship of family life from the social structure.It just seems to us that everything that happens within the walls of our houses and apartments going solely by our will and hunting.In looks, tastes, habits, and interests of each of us affect the laws and moral precepts, developed society, a nation, finally, professional standards and requirements.In contrast, in the public view, the principle influence the manners adopted in some families.
Let's trace the character of such interference.
Tell me what the story is found most often in classical drama.Unhappy love of young people who join hearts hurt social and income inequality: a peasant could not marry an aristocrat, poor it was difficult to count on the consent of wealthy parents - to give the daughter of the "necessity is erratic."Suffering, tears and blood lovers paid a long history of not only the property, caste, and ethnic
October Revolution with the fetters of social oppression, and broken snare personal coercion.However, replacing the previous difficulties and disturbances come new, previously unthinkable.Previously, the love and the nature of our grandparents experienced bondage, and we currently experiencing freedom of choice.Freedom requires that young people particularly self-confidence and responsibility.For example, the custom of our ancestors held: give own child, "at least for the chicken, but on the next street."It was this rule is not a caste limitations, but also a certain worldly wisdom: the homogeneity of the environment in which grew and brought up the bride and groom, anticipated to a certain extent and commonality of interests, aspirations, all that we call life setting.For those who grew up 'in the surrounding streets, "it is easier to find common ground and, therefore, will be stronger than the union.On the equality of spouses as the most important condition for family well-being pointed out by Alexander Herzen, the fighter against all kinds of prejudice, including - of class.He called unequal marriages - "forward sown misery."
current marriages very often on old concepts, "mesalliances".Already more than one generation of the spouses is connected, without looking who and how "street".
«misalliance" this - a natural and progressive phenomenon for the whole society - for the individual pairs turn into unexpected difficulties, to overcome that not everyone, even The highly experienced, will be able to immediately, without big losses.Nevertheless, differences in education, customs often overcome: after all, 2/3 of families do not break up.Their strength - not only the result of their own efforts spouses, but also the impact of external social factors.
In our country, a unified educational and training system.The natives of southern republics and the Far North, from a peasant family, or of the capital at home - all at school for general programs, forming unequivocal moral, social beliefs, ideas about life values.We've all children are taught respect for the human person, regardless of social background, educational level, economic status.
This is an educational uniformity serves us in good stead.It helps not to eliminate, but to smooth, soften the sharpness of inconsistencies and contradictions that arise between those who grew up in dissimilar circumstances.
difference in the financial situation of families - one of the eternal obstacle to the compound of lovers - as we have said, lost its crucial.Material calculation, once revered sign of intelligence, efficiency of future husband or wife, now considered the most serious crime against those who want to "buy" or who want to "sell" love dearly.Today's bride shrug their shoulders when the old-fashioned cousin asks about the financial position of the groom.Similarly behave in future husbands.
And what is the basis unselfishness than it paid for and secured?Almost all of the young couple, which had a chance to talk about it, change attributed to improved general manners: say, people now have become different.It's like that.But there are objective and social factors influencing the views of today's newlyweds.Here and guaranteed job here and the opportunity for growth, advancement and movement in any field of activity - would be hunting, knowledge and skills.Today's farmer, suddenly, tomorrow - a pilot and even an astronaut.Or, without going beyond the outskirts of his native village, the hero, a deputy head of a large, global celebrity.The same city - a worker, a student.Horizons are not covered by class barriers, which are often used to overcome the most outstanding person with difficulty, as an ordinary person did before did not break.
women won the right to equal education with men, equal pay.All this gives it genuine independence from her husband's power and the ability to decide for itself: to whom to give his hand and heart, rather than waiting until it will make parents.It can also decide - whether it be the wife, if the family life failed.This means that the change in women motives of marriage.
All the achievements of our country "work" on the selflessness of today's young people, on the freedom to choose yourself a pair.
increasingly decisive influence on the well-being of the spouses have now setup moral and psychological factors.For example, the cause of discord in families today often becomes not so much the financial situation of households, as relevant to the material values.My husband, who grew up in a home where money, things were treated recklessly, it will be difficult to find a common language with the girlfriend, accustomed to save and protect the "good".And vice versa.Although the amount of income in their families and were the same.
- just so, and disappeared from the calculation of personal relationships?- I questioned one of my sobesednik.- In recent years there has been among young people the opposite trend: not only look at the face of the future of his wife, her good nature, but also on the parents' mansion "on" position "of the family.And the "liberated" women often seek advantageous marriage with the unloved, but a solid, held (or wealthy) man.
truth.It happens.But in this version of the ancient settlement openly advocates rarely.He acquired new ways to penetrate the soul, dons a mask in the most unexpected.
- Tell me what dowry is more expensive that what gave our grandmothers of their mother, were considered not poor when the "roll the" daughters to acquire carved beds, down duvets, coat fox fur and a certain amount of money, or that give the currentparents of his daughter, when as "core capital" are the diploma of higher education or a special, secure profession?Indeed: the coat is worn out, the money will live, be scattered.A trade - the value of reliable, time will only increase its importance, the weight of the family pot.
same account and for the groom.We have to frankly admit that education, occupation, level of culture implicitly evaluated at times even the most wasteful in love.More than once, probably, and you have heard these words: "This is lucky: marrying a talented scientist (the doctor, actor, pilot).He will go far".
- now take care not only about the professional status of her husband, and look back on what the convenience, comfort, bring a marriage.For example, married with the machine - one price, without it - is another, - I insisted my opponent, once again hinting at thrift brides.But a special account (account) has and grooms who prefer not mind and heart of his lady, as to whether she is able to create coziness and comfort to her husband.And there - even if neither talk to her on the souls or in trouble ... lean not yet extinct young people who get married, hoping to be in the face of dear friend "servant of all", as was said earlier.And at the same time they are convinced that their marriage - all honest, decent.There among avid bachelors are those who question why not acquire a family, meet confidently: "I myself can serve themselves."As if, indeed, the wife and then only need to woo her husband.How then will pay a supporter of such views, it is known that many eke out a living in a meaningless alone, paying tribute to all diseases and defects, which it accompanied.
Incidentally, the number of singles with a similar look on his wife has increased markedly when we strengthened service life and food.Here is a convincing example of how external conditions affect personal relationships.
Some sociological studies cited figures, who said that are not always arranged marriages end in disaster.Well, because there are good deals that bind the partners for the long haul, and then turn on the habit, there are children.Both husband and wife happen to be attached to each other is stronger than other passionate love, which was only enough powder to the end of the honeymoon.
But if the material calculation remains the main link, there is no period of cohabitation does not give grounds to speak about family well-being.We're with you have already determined that the foundation of the modern family - feeling special blood and friendship between family members.
- any way you adults do not agree with each other - once stood disheveled yunosha.- So you tell us: Be prudent, weigh and evaluate all the "pros" and "against" union with the beloved (and they - with young men).What you say is not good to discuss and weigh, what are the chosen one (or elect) perspectives, skills and abilities.Already a diploma, the profession of talent, hard work put into the box valuable dowry.And unless you can really factor out all the data it?So, all our marriages are prudent, the only difference is who and what is taking into account.Who of us gets the benefits which the calculation reasonable, forward-thinking?
deliberate choice, resting on the heart desire, indeed secured a firm and lasting marriage.However, the choice to do this, focusing primarily on the character, life aspirations, moral principles bride or groom.And this will not be a dispute or older with young, forward thinking with any uncalculated.
Here's another problem: what is the family, in your opinion, likely to remain faithful, the fortress, which was created taking into account the external benefits of marriage or registered internal community?Let's use the information sociology.The difference in estimates of life situations, their own role in the family, the views of the child and other installations in the couple divorced four times larger than the difference in the views of those who live in marriage.
So it's fair to say and write in a statement that divorcing spouses do not agree is not so much characters as the views and attitudes towards the same things.
- Maybe this: entered into a marriage of convenience, and live - for love?
Such a possibility exists, no doubt.She loved her fiance whether Kitty Levin, when I went for him after his unfortunate passion for Vronsky?Of course not.But sincerely I loved him then, after the wedding.Calculating cracker, the hero of the novel IA Goncharov "Ordinary Story", a senior Aduev married from some "mental reasons."A wife loved so passionately that for the sake of her health decided to give up the case, which served as an idol all my life.
Happens and on the contrary, married to a great love.Attraction passed, each of the spouses, in fact, has a new family, not diverge from the fact that the husband and wife do not want to save the extracted wealth, comfort or public reputation.Marriage then becomes an amicable sale.
sober calculation is needed even to those who are faced with a dilemma: marriage, marriage with a man without cause strong and obvious passion, physical attraction, or in general - bachelor habitation?By the way, such cases, when people connect destiny for the sake of desire to start a family, not to be left alone, too, not too little, the participants of this action, in my opinion, can not be blamed.They do not seek the satisfaction of material needs, they want ^ satisfaction sensual and spiritual needs.They love family, love children, finally, is often respected by the future "half" experience friendliness and nourish the hope to love her heartily.And we realized common aspirations, interests and needs are often stronger than the love of attraction binds people to each other.
course, 'cash' payment in marriage has its "advantages".The relationship of the spouses, though bleak, but are built easier than those that rely on fragile emotions.In the first case, more or less easily controlled and predicted: the balance-Buldi, plus or minus, require only knowledge of arithmetic and the market situation, that now how much and to make sure that you do not obegoril your partner.And if miscalculated, get false values and exaggerated capital.Frustration is only one plan - in this material.
much more difficult to calculate and predict all the twists and turns, ups and downs in the nature of a partner changes his mind, appearance, mind those properties and qualities that brought him to his pair.For example, a young man joined by ties of Hymen with the most charming of classmates valuing it above all the beauty, grace, and, so to speak, the elegant packaging.But pregnancy and childbirth cute distorted features, caused significant damage to the couple configuration.And watch out for the toilet, hair in her no time.And now, the young husband is disappointed;it is not the wife who can make him happy.And he removed that is not associated with any concerns: his wife - a man of independent, professionally independent.Do not disappear!And the child, as required by law, it will deduct a certain amount from their earnings.And not always aware of: material security does not reimburse the woman and the child of non-pecuniary damage, which causes "disappointed" husband and father.
Or another situation.She was fascinated by the young men of his erudition, breadth and modern views, demeanor.Suddenly discovered: all - superficial.And knowledge - is only retentive memory, the ability to place screw mot spectacular, and the words and thoughts - strangers borrowed.And the style of behavior - do not own property, and the imitation of fashionable designs.A young wife is not willing to spend time and effort to improve her husband: "Be this as I want," and immediately - otherwise it can go in search of another candidate, more corresponding to its ideal.
give women economic independence, society has placed on the shoulders of both spouses responsible for the fate of the family created.However, as we have seen, it is not always young people are fully aware of this fact.Men believe that women financial independence gives them the right to be "easy-going" in a divorce.Yes, and sometimes women are not far behind them, rushing to search for new ideal.
Mankind has realized the sad truth: there is no single and a single line of progress.Sometimes for benefits in one case it has to pay losses in something else.Unselfishness young, sometimes, leads to the fact that the spouses can not reasonably and sensibly to lead his small but sophisticated household and family ship springs a leak for this reason.
Considerable difficulty for a young family creates a difference in the professional activities and interests of spouses.Let me remind you about 80% of Russia's population before the revolution, lived in villages and engaged in agriculture.In these families, all members united by a common cause: grandparents, husbands and wives, children and grandchildren in the joint work and the sweat of their daily bread mined.And labor concerns were all clear, perezhivayemost same.Now the couple is often even do not know about than busy "half" of the service.Children, too, are concerned about something his own, parents are often unclear, and at a higher level of education of the young generation - all unavailable.
understandable and interesting because in that case remain alone move up the career ladder, changes in salary (in children transition to the next grade, and on the next course mark).Agree that the social circle in such a family is shrinking.