No explanation for the preference of love
- Mum and dad, congratulate us we decided to get married.
That so many young people to alert their parents that there comes a new and challenging time to their lives.As an established family life breaks a different kind of creature, tribe, "alien" or "alien".Naturally, the older perceive the news is not so much a delight as with apprehension and anxiety: what properties, qualities of the future has a new cousin as accept orders established in their home?
period from the date of announcement of the wedding of the future until such time as resounds drinking "Kiss!", Is usually very stressful for the bride and groom.Do they want to - do not want to, willy-nilly, but they are a kind of bride-test for the right to become a member of the family of the elect, the chosen one.
Nothing much is said during the visits of young people to their parents to each other, all life's questions: when and how to celebrate a wedding, who to invite, where they will live young?But for how these negotiations are conducted, wha
Ask any one who puts his signature in the book of life: your girlfriend embodies the limit of your dreams?You're it, and only want to see her next to him all his life, through her immortalize themselves in the offspring?With the same issues then go up to the bride.And the look on their faces.Most likely you will read to them confused and even irritated.What is asked of them here?Well, of course, they are now about anybody else not thinking.Only with this man that stands beside perhaps happiness.
sincerely forgotten enthusiasm of previous years, because very rarely before the wedding, saved children and young people in love.falls and the ideal, to draw youthful imagination from the mind and memory.And it is not surprising that those who will share with you the joys and sorrows, little similar to the character of dreams.She loved since childhood blond with blue eyes, and marries a brunette with brown.He always saw the coming wife bright beauty "that take nemozhno eyes" and takes for himself a small, sleek, sharp-eyed girl.What wonders are happening to them?Well, grandparents dumped similar transformation to the "Divine Providence," they say, marriages are happening in heaven, who with whom to be - the fate decides.Now no one to put the blame for their choices.Then they can only wonder: what would have been the fate of, respond to the call of the other eye and mouth?Of course, things would be different;profession, place of work, and the appearance might be different.With Masha, a homebody, a lover of good food, Pete, can be lengthened and became lazy and stopped in development.And Katya, an avid athlete, fidget, would be a lean, wiry, energetic and in business and in entertainment.
and groom, if married Kohl, would have lived a very different life: measured, carefree, with quiet and smart evening talking with a subscription to the Philharmonic.And with Peter, it will knock about on construction sites, to live in the barracks and trailers, amateur singing songs with a guitar, arguing loudly.And throw this whole endeavor, "the romance of long journeys," and go back to the sweet hut.
And why parted with Nicky and agreed to the proposal Petit?After all, she liked both of them, was the time, when like the first one was closer, kissing passionately, did not leave for weeks.And then ... Cursed or blessed "suddenly"!The word, look, act - all the variables.But then Peter can not all right to say, stumble.Well, and for him it will be as uncompromising as it turned to Cole?No, she forgives him more than anyone else.
- Just think of it: sometimes the entire fate is composed differently due to some small, chance.Even children, their lives will be completely dissimilar, depending on the "combination" of parental pairs.And the life of close and distant relatives will be arranged in a special way because of the choice made by grown children.
- Yes completeness, how much can you say about choice, about a conscious, meaningful relation to the creation of the family!For example, AI Herzen, analyzing in "My Past and Thoughts" and Ogarev their family problems, wrote: "Rapprochement with a woman - it is a purely private, based on ... secretly-physiological affinities, instinctive, passionate.We are particularly close, then get to know "(This is written by someone married to a cousin, who before marriage for a few years, almost every day confessed to him sincerely and to the end!
So maybe coincidence compound is law? Itindeed, whether before marriage to know how the spouse will be the subject of passion, if self marital status of anything does not look like if it "mysterious but unconsciously?" And we will then all premarital ways, though popular, though scientific,? even with the help of computers "compute luck»
- This love is peculiar and excusable to say that there is no explanation of their preference, their choice of lover knows what "it me for the meal fell in love, and I did - of compassion for..him "(William Shakespeare's" Othello ".) A thick-volume memoirs thinking of a loved one left faithful friends, it is not an explanation - for that A passionate hymns of poets, in which all the subtleties and psychological explains in detail?: what exactly attracted the lady?
interesting still to know someone and they love the current boys and girls?Some love for the appearance, others - for spiritual qualities.What is preferable?Who has more chances to be happy chosen one (the chosen one)?
Well, that, and the sociology of this side is not spared his attention.And it turned out that the modern bride are primarily looking to the future ... the satellite intelligence, t. E. A very complex set of the highest human qualities.It is the mind, and knowledge, and sensitivity, tact, culture internally and externally.Here is a set of properties valued above all.In second place - the attitude toward women as a friend, a caring attitude to family and children, then - the reasonable will, hard work, sobriety, sense of humor, the desire for full perfection, physical beauty.
Similarly, changing tastes and requirements of the young men to their sweethearts, although their "set" is more traditional: they are looking for a combination of kindness, gentleness with dedication, femininity with loyalty marital debt, but they are important intelligence and business advantages of a friend, which will haveto work on a par with her husband.
known and properties that are revered unwanted marriage: selfishness, dishonesty, rudeness, greed.
therefore do not need to be an oracle to predict: one of the contenders for the hand of the same object of passion will have more chances to win.
So, after all there are rules and criteria for the "selection" and not exactly the statement that no one knows the secret of selectivity, in which people are attracted to each other.Although many couples on the light, and where relatives and strangers do not cease to wonder: and he (she) is in the "half" found (find)?Absolutely they do not fit on any articles, and live - in perfect harmony!And do something wife persistent questioning anything intelligible answer may not be as seriously ponder.
The secret of such a long-term alliance often lies in the fact that people came together, united not on the basis of similarity, resemblance, and on the basis of a supplement, when one spouse compensates for the lack of some important features and qualities of the other.
There are many reasons that lead to the fact that "love boats" are often diverge in the sea everyday.One of them - the uneven distribution of precious properties between different people.One woman - beauty, the other - the soul and the mind, the third - of all this, but gradually.As in men.We often want as Gogol's character from the comedy "Marriage" Agafya, that the nose of the bridegroom was attached to his lips the other, and the figure in this case was taken by the third character - the fourth, that's when you could be decided to marry (or marry)with no doubt.But perfect, perfect combination, probably as rare as the weather that would suit all of them.
injustice of nature alone tolerated, showing a modest charm of naturalness, while others are attracted to himself to help debt-esteem, to enhance the impact of its charms.What does, for example, a little girl, revolving front of a mirror and trying on her mother's or grandmother's dress and jewelry?It is already known: learning to like it.How does she know that the bright clothes and decorations can serve as an attractive force for someone who knows when will be?And anything that she does not realize.She is driven by an unconscious tendency and has an innate ability to repeat the behavior and habits of adults.Women to the end of his life do not cease to engage in embellishment, because without lectures and precepts comprehend the truth: the man in the first place likes to eyes.And no matter how much philosophizing assured representatives of the sex, which, they say, they prefer the natural charm of the live face and body art fruits hairdressers, tailors and jewelers have they not believe.Although, if only because even the naked eye can be seen statistics as they escorted interested brightly dressed up lady.And how indifferent run past the simple little girl with a sweet, smart and kind-faced.
Not so long ago had a chance to hear such a confession of a young woman:
- At school a long time I felt a kind of inferiority complex.The parents dressed me very modestly.They did this not so much because of cash shortages, but because of the principle.And I saw my peers, the boys with me and the eye does not pick up, and the success they are girls, dressed stylishly brightly.A few years after graduating from high school, I met a young man, with whom he had once studied in the same class.He saw me as if for the first time.I said you do not remember, but I remember your broken bots "retro" model.Now he - my husband, and at school I did not expect to get his attention.
Here you have the attitude of men to "rags"!It is also necessary to find out where the cause and a consequence of women where addiction to things.And it is possible that eventually the young man, which had a preference to the girl, who meets his ideas about beauty, becoming a husband, his wife's moans of passion for toilets and jewelry.
same pattern in relation to the physical beauty: among the main properties desired for the wife, it is not marked.But who does not know what it is about beautiful girls swarm of buzzing fans and winds, bypassing the prude, the more plain girl.And who, if not bright, but cold, indifferent beauty inspired poets odes and ballads, knights on crazy feats, and other - in the crime?
«To fully realize the vanity of man, it is necessary to understand the causes and consequences of yourself love.The reason for it - "God knows what" (Corneille), and the consequences are terrible.And that "no one knows that," this bit, which defined something impossible, shakes the earth, driven by monarchies, the armies, the whole world.Cleopatra's nose: had he been a little shorter - the face of the earth would have been otherwise. "So determine the effect on men and the love of female attractiveness, beauty French philosopher Blaise Pascal..If All hyperbolic this judgment, it lies much truth: the Trojan War, as it is known, started because of the beautiful Helen.Nowadays the causes of war, as well as the world, very different, and yet not fall silent voices of the prophets who foretell: save the world the beauty and love.But it will come, perhaps, when the beauty connects with morality.
- Did ... beauty can be a better society than virtue?- Asks Ophelia.
And Hamlet hears the answer: - Beauty Power soon transform virtue of the fact that it is, in the summary, rather than the strength of virtue turn beauty into his likeness.
and prevents connect beauty with virtue is its own magical power: the beautiful flock to everyone who truly loves and who simply vain, ambitious.The most serious challenge to their husbands - the attractiveness of their wives.Only one literary hero to fully understand the situation and state of mind of his wife, to which all sides stretched greedy hands full of gifts and all kinds of temptations.It - Yakov Bogomolov, the main character in the drama of Maxim Gorky.He first felt sorry for the woman, whose love, steadfastness, integrity experiencing constant siege.Most often, trying to get into his own and sole ownership of the Firebird,
husband hopes that everything will not notice its dazzling plumage, will not seek to take possession of this treasure.When his expectations, of course, are not justified, blamed his beloved precisely because it itself especially appreciates what she likes men.
naive and charges are wife-yoke that continues to flirt with other, already married.Wife liked the quality of it, when he was courting a girl.Hence, vain complaints about her fickleness, hypocrisy, the ability to feel and be.
As a rule, none of the respondents, no girls or boys, does not mean age of desired partner.Does this mean that today's young people do not care to older or younger will spouse?Of course not.
Experience suggests: the most favorable combination of the pair, whose husband of five - seven years older than his wife.From what?Think about the early approval of psychologists emotional girl growing up, her worldly solidity.The age difference is achieved alignment of mental maturity of the couple.
However, in recent years, notably frequent marriages of opposite nature: youths marry much older than himself on women.To some extent, this phenomenon can be attributed to immaturity of young people, some of them prefer from one female hand-nanny mom go to the other, into the hands of the couple, firmly standing on their feet, who knows how to build a family life without assistant (hence not shoulder the young wife allthe complexity of domestic work).Exactly the same picture of some girls who are turning away from the "horseless" peers and willingly accept the offer, and even hard to achieve it from successful men often Godea them fathers, but with a solid position in society, with a car, a dacha.And the reason is the same - fear and unwillingness to create the most well-being of the family, the desire to come to gotovenkoe.
Prudent brides and grooms make up less than 10% of the intending spouses.The majority, as we have said, are motivated by unselfish, sincere and deep love for the elect (chosen one), even if he is older, but the same age mentally.If
about men say they love the eyes, the ears, like most women, t. E. Captivates them the ability to speak a man interesting, bright, clever, sharp.It is no accident in a speech to a greater extent than in the exterior, appears human nature, intelligence.But here's the contradiction, which makes us think that it is not always and not all trusts girl verbal charm.Of the two candidates: an eloquent talker active and energetic Silent, she often prefers the second.
necessary to hear from the experts, that is not very consistently behaved girls, I assure you that all of the advantages of the future spouse they are more valued intelligence.This property suggests softness, tolerance, civility in circulation not only loved, but with the entire environment.And it is well known: an intelligent young man it is difficult to firmly resist the boor, Barker, wring hands bully.Shocking, paralyzing the will of someone else's head, arrogance.And not out of cowardice, but because of the inability to raise his hand, even to raise his voice to another person, he goes on an open fight with the offender.And ... often loses its dignity in the eyes of friends.It is necessary because not only witty, resourceful interlocutor.She needs support in its weakness, needed a protector and her future offspring.These qualities, in the end, and are for many women candidates in the overriding assessments.
same pattern when faced with couples "dotantsevavshimisya" before the wedding.We have dismantled a situation in which analyzed the history of the characters of the film "The time has come to love."There is no doubt that the heroine, a girl subtle, musical, not a stupid, never thought - not guess to look for her husband among the prominent, agile dancers, not sparkling deep intelligence.She probably also closer in spirit to the intellectuals.But, drat, itself driven into the snares of fate.And it is not an exception.