The new family after the wedding
In life, often completely shut out the young can not, of course, if there is no new family somewhere far from the parent chamber.About 60% of newlyweds from the registrar's office sent to the parents of the wife or husband.This means a new cell should fit in a rugged, established way of life.More precisely, the "foreign element" will have to adapt to the statute and regulations, before it unusual.And the "masters" have to adjust oneself to it.
Naturally, such a process can not take place without serious consequences for both sides, he can not leave indifferent and their connection link.Rather most grievously it goes just this "link": to link together the same way, but strangers to each other people.
What is a conflict arise and how they are resolved by modern families?How to get along with each other present-in-law and daughter-in-law and mother-in earlier times gave rise to write a lot of dramatic and comic stories?
Once the editorial board received a letter of an old woman.She was talking about the
-law requests the "dating service", if it has already formed, to find subtle, delicate way to get the check "to the people", in an interesting range of possible partners or to inform her (mother in law) addresses of those who could be a contender for the handdaughter and a good heart.
Usually we praise the dedication, selflessness of mothers.
And this act in the registry whose achievements bring?Mother-in-law?Yes, and whether they can be separated in this case?
Unfortunately, such in-law in our lives do not occur very often.Is it an accident that the wife's mother about the whole "series" hilarious anecdotes piled and songs are sung, and about the mother-in anything like this.None of harmless jokes-jokes.But how much fear, hatred, bile and venom in songs and popular rhymes.Neulybchiv folklore dismal literary images (Dahl sayings about it - one another lyutey).Can it be so unfair popular rumor, usually ready to understand and to forgive?
Try to understand how relations-in-law and daughter-in the modern family.In the style of relations between the modern family significantly affects the level of education.And it has grown significantly and in-law, and daughters.The understanding of human behavior motives, near and far.Mother in law gradually came the realization that their dissatisfaction with the daughter in law is not always caused by shortcomings of the youngest women, most general properties of the female psyche.
mitigates manners and purely objective reasons: the mother in law and daughter in law are increasingly living apart and the material from each other are independent.Most of the newly-married couple living with the senior be justified by the parents of his wife.You agree that in this situation, the reasons for mutual dissatisfaction and daughter-in-law is much less.
But in the old days, when all the difficulties and hardships of life there were many families in which only the fun of saying that blackened the elder women.Daughter in law, happened in this house itself-the word "mother in law" utter could not, so it it seemed to her raspy but clumsy, unjust, "mother", and then "grandmother", and no distinction was made: whose it is - her husband's mother orown.
In modern families are rarely called in-law "mother", more than by name.But this does not affect the depth of their relationship.On the contrary, they become noticeably softer, delicate.Often the mother in law and daughter touching unity gain, such as that established between comedy heroines P. Beaumarchais' The Marriage of Figaro. "Freshly-law, Marceline, rushes to help the daughter, Susanne, in her trickery with the Count and her husband, so describing the young girlfriend of Figaro: "She is a lovely creature!Ah, when personal interests are not arming us women against each other, we are all as one, ready to defend our poor, oppressed floor of the proud, terrible ... (laughing), and at the same time short-sighted men. "
And yet the very fact that only 1/3 of the newlyweds live with the mother of her husband, rather of meaning.Thus, a young family in the wife's mother live better than her husband's mother.Both - the mother, the two wish happiness to your children, and to understand whether it is happiness in different ways, or points of contact and cause for irritation at Tiffany's with his son less than two women on the same kitchen.But if both of these positions converge in one person?How, then, mother-in-law-in-law responds to the behavior of their latter-day relatives?
cite such the conventional bike.They talk to old friend.One tells the other about the lives of their children.Daughter in marriage luck.In-law has got an attentive, caring, hardworking.The young wife did not have time to sleep with the eyelashes to shake, and he already ran the bakery, prepared breakfast and coffee brewed - and all the time to know how.But really unlucky son - were not so lucky!Wife got lazy, gonoristyh.In the morning do not deign to get up, son breakfast cook.He, the poor, forced himself to heat food, and then goes to work hungry.It is not with bells'll get.
In this parable, perhaps pronounced feature of maternal psyche: the same situation evaluated quite differently.What's good for their own child, then all is well, even if someone is not very convenient and pleasant.All that at least in a small prejudicial to the interests of my offspring, to be cast out and condemned even if it is true.
Maybe, relations between the two women, mother-in-law and, at times do not add up because the older woman's eyes clouded with love for her son and the young, they do not hurt the sighted?Emotions are not governed by common sense, tolerance, can do a lot of ills.Here are a few examples.
... Son married without asking her mother than her terribly offended.And his mother suffered a disappointment on his young wife.She did not want to endure the slander, achieved that left parents in another city.Then, for four decades, no mother-in-law's house, nor that it - or foot!Forty years of war in the region, which were drawn by children and grandchildren, and extended family.And do not get tired, we did not conclude a truce, even in years of joint losses.
There would be no need to cite a similar example, if from him as from a fairy tale, it was impossible to extract a "hint, good fellows a lesson."It is very important to my husband wisely and tactfully brought to the house of his young wife, did it without guilt guilty in the eyes of his own mother.We must be able to locate his relatives for a future daughter-in, while not causing maternal jealousy.Cleverly?Sure, but then it's worth it: will peace and harmony in his own house.
another case.The son has just released -pushok mustache, and his mother already in anguish and despair, is about to appear on the horizon, "she", razluchnitsa-thief of her happiness, her well-being.As recognized by one familiar, well educated woman, at the thought her breathing was interrupted, a lump in his throat.When indeed there was "she", there were tears, tantrums, and were trying to hold back, from which nothing good happened, and even worse: all felt "villains" who sacrificed the mother's heart.The son could not stand, he insisted at the junction, earning for a charge of treason.
It seems to me that in this case the mother-in-law gives way to the beginning at the possessive.Then there is reckless zeal, so many tears of istorgshaya nevestkinyh eyes.Sometimes young husband, absorbed with mother's milk habit of obedience and reverence to the parent does not want to delve into the reasons and causes of strife between the two women and occupies one position - my mother's.Usually, nothing good comes out of this one-sidedness is not out and out divorce or deaf, scandals erupt in hostility has with his wife.
- Where is my place in reality?- Asked once here so unsettled husband and syn.- ripped me that if, between them?All their passion is spent at each other, me neither the strength nor the time nor the heart is not enough.
I think that in these circumstances is better to disperse and reduce communication to a minimum limit.In this type of competition certainly will not be the winners.whose power would be defeated nor suffer family and the happiness of all parties "of the tournament."Whether the son will return to his mother in her full disposal, he will not forget and will not forgive her break-up with his wife, especially if children remain without it.Lee's wife discourage her husband from her mother, she is also the gift is not passed.After that, she will give an example of disrespect to their mother's own children.How did he respond to itself in the near future, one can easily imagine.
Often the wife is hoping to re-husband.But for this is required of maximum vision and pedagogical tact.And where the young woman to take a vision and pedagogical art?It was then that she begins to stumble.Trying to weaken the influence of the mother, and then reproaches her husband: "It's you against the mother of such a character, such manners!" And does not understand that achieves the opposite result.Instead of understand and accept the truth of her husband shrugs off comments.And no wonder: a man because it is easier to justify their shortcomings, especially congenital, habitual, have become kind than drastically change themselves.For this reason, he tries to justify, and the one that has created him as the one that she has the same qualities.
Even the just claims of a young woman should soften the knowledge that in front of her mother and her son!
Love for mother of all, good or bad - one of the authentic human values.This is not a woman to cherish this feeling.
- Well, love for the mother - sacred feeling, but why only to their own?After all, I am also a mother, but his children.
So, one should be worshiped, and the other can not be considered not to stand on ceremony?
This - the leitmotif of many conversations stung daughters.And there is a certain logic.Allow such a task can only be the object of rivalry, son and husband.
said Georgia has such a custom.Man, I am leading to the house of his young wife, accompanied by her appearance special instruction.Mother, he says: "That's my wife, I have chosen it.And if you love me, you will accept her as a daughter.But if you hurt her, you're not my mother. "And he says to his wife: "This is my mother.I love her, and you will be her daughter.But if you hurt her, you're not my wife. "I'm sure in other regions there is a lot of examples of cases of conflict-free coexistence of the two women.Yes, actually, with this example, and was started this conversation.
Not every man and do not always enjoy the sincere union of the two women.Another of the men, as a rule, not a moral proof, profitable confrontation mother and wife: each tries to cajole him, to fulfill the whims of indulging his weakness.And if a woman unite, something often take a husband in teaching vise and try to improve, refine.Nice to it or not, but in fairness have to admit that for the moral and physical health of men is beneficial friendship between mother-and daughter.And throughout the house the atmosphere changes when the hosts face benevolence, smiling, cheerful.For children, grandchildren, the good agreement between the mother and grandmother that sunlight, "biostimulant growth of the soul."Their hearts blowjob shadow of rivalry, not cool, not chills cold relations between the loved ones.
very useful to take over the principle of the so-called lawyers "presumption of innocence".Seeing that the other woman was doing something wrong, he says no commercials, try to convince myself not to blame!She was born in a different family, a different time, brought up with other habits.Do not blame the mother in law, he can not change his tastes and habits, because years of Harden, cemented character.Do not blame the daughter, that young, inexperienced, sluggishness, makes a lot of blunders.
very useful to keep in mind the age and habits of another person.It is best to look at the actions and words of each other, not an oversight and disadvantages, and the explanations and arguments in favor of each other.
... But is it right to take on the shoulders of two women?For any family role can not play alone - it is the role of the collective.The relationship involved the whole environment: the father in law, and other relatives who are either not resist the passions played out, or shush them and help young women to enter the circle of the family, be desirable, an equal member.
There is great strength and power-law.It is generally more favorably disposed to his wife and son at the same time has a great influence on his own wife.And the point is not that he often takes over the duties "arbitrator".Rather, it can be a lightning rod, wrapping joke sharpness, trying to defuse the clouds of mutual discontent;
By analogy with the mother-daughter relationship and it would be fair to see: what appear in each other's eyes and inner circle are two different ages of a family member, but one sex, father and son.But the analogy does not work.Although seemingly difficult conditions for conflicts when living together are the same as in the relationship between the two women.
young husband, who settled in the house of his wife, and this is the situation particularly interesting because now the most prevalent causes make room senior.This - at first.And secondly, he, too, is economically dependent on the test, still the main breadwinner in many families.Marriages have concluded between youths, often do not have a strong financial base.And while clashes between men - a fairly rare phenomenon.Although seen: his father often refers to her daughter tenderly than his son, he takes a strong liking to her heart.And like it should feel a burning zeal for the stranger guy who "breaks the flower", grown by his care and kindness.
reason for this lack of conflict, in my opinion, is that the two often do not have a serious home business, occupation.A homemade stuff: buy furniture this configuration or another, put the rack in the corner or against the wall, to fry or stew vegetables ... and other and other, do not affect the vital interests, do not cause objection in principle, and therefore conflict.Especially since most often the decision is made, conceived and executed without their active participation, with two deliberative vote.
On what, on what grounds there are sometimes hostile relations between people of different sexes, different ages, different spheres of influence of the home - between the mother-in-law and?
I must admit that in the relations between the members of the family often plays a decisive role maladjustment in-law to the family life.
to be honest, the future husband now frequently brought up in the hothouse environment, fear overload independent life.And, becoming zyatyami, simply can not understand: what they are required to the parents of his wife?His own parent never foaming on his non-inclusion in the household chores, on the contrary, in every possible way to preserve against them.So, this is parenting, not a favor for which you need to especially thank the other woman, the wife's mother.And if even a young wife, t. E. A daughter, is not prepared to overcome hardships and tribulations, the connection of two single, two "taking" under the wing of one mother fraught with troubles for all family members.
Complications and causes addiction to alcohol-in-law.Statistics confirm that the majority of divorces now occurs on the initiative of women whose husbands find this weakness.And their mother, of course, support the decision of his daughters.Honestly, if a young man appears in his wife's family is already infected with the disease, it is difficult to expect a good attitude.The new family, everyone understands what kind of inevitable misfortune brings this man and their daughter, and her offspring.
Quite another thing, when in-law reached out to blame after being changed my bachelor habitation.There does not interfere with my mother and daughter to think about the cause of the pop cravings.Yes, in his side look: if it pushed for a glass?It happens that the son feels restless, not only because of the disorder in a new family, but even, on the contrary, due to a desire to please his new relatives, freed from work and worries.There is a young man of the business in the house, there is no responsibility, there is no debt, there is no employment.As you know, idleness - the mother of all vices.
That's a contradiction here: load-in-law mother-in-law with all sorts of household work and worries, this could hurt him, irritate him and his daughter.Freed from all worries - opens the vessel with all sorts of vices.And vice versa.