Loneliness : trouble or fault!
- Tell me, why society around the family prefers to citizens.It has been proven to live family more difficult, but also happier than alone.Should we still plague all sorts of restrictions to those who are already deprived of destiny?
Indeed, the statistics of recent years convinces men without families bear a heavy load of trouble.They die of heart disease is 3.5 times more likely than those living in a circle of relatives.Road accident to happen in the first 5 times more.Suicide finish bachelors and divorced family together most 6 times!Even 150 years ago, it was recorded: none bachelor is ranked among the oldest old.Even at a relatively young age, 20-30 years, the mortality rate among single men is 25% higher than among married.
Amazing, these figures suggest: widely perceived view, if the family is most needed a woman, is not supported by life.Single women are experiencing less dramatic his position.The average duration of their life is not much different from having a family.So, for a man without f
And yet, is that surprising?A man who is needed by many, from the health, labor and welfare which depends the welfare of his favorite people, behaves differently than the "tumbleweed".He is careful in risky situations, it stricter, and in manners, finally, he has someone to rely on in difficult times.
But despite the obvious advantages of being a family, and especially a lot of people left who are unmarried, and in recent years the number of these has increased markedly.Can I assume that today's young people are willing to pay such a high price their "freedom"?Or they are forced to objective reasons?
This problem was discussed more than once a mass audience, because it can not be happy all the congregation, when much of the population lacks necessary for human happiness heritage - family.
have been disclosed such causes family among young people, as the presence in our cities and rural places where the acute shortage of men and "unmarried weavers (milkmaids, attendant, teachers, doctors and TD) make up the majority."At the same time a growing number of new buildings, where extremely low percentage of young women compared to the number of men - construction workers, lumberjacks, sailors ... There in the old town predominantly male or female production: steel mills, mines, or light industry.They meet a future spouse is extremely difficult, if not impossible.So, to meet potential brides and grooms can only be at leisure.And for that we need youth clubs, dance halls, tourist centers, which in the metropolitan centers is less than required, about small towns and buildings and can not speak.
hamper the establishment of young families and financial difficulties, and lack of housing.There was a reason for this and bachelors growth: economic and moral independence of women, providing those who definitely wanted to be first to hide behind her husband's back, choice of lifestyle and behavior style.
As we said above, remain unmarried men, for whom the spouse only universal servant.These girls are now a rarity, but a lot of all sorts of offers bachelor studio, dining rooms, offices, which allow him to conduct his own house, and without female help.
However, it should take a closer look closely, we noticed: in exactly the same conditions among young people create a family, overcoming all the objective difficulties, the other - and remain restless, go warm up to someone else's fire.So, there are some subjective, personal reasons leading to loneliness.Perhaps useful for us to understand precisely this phenomenon.
- My parents have relatives and friends who do not have family, but do not impress patients, accidents, all the more doomed.On the contrary, many of them succeed in all things and look energetic, cheerful.My mom and dad sometimes jealous of their free life - once protested a high school student during a conversation on the subject.
It requires clarification: who we call lonely, without family.Often, in this category we register people with a wide variety of family ties.Friends and relatives about whom said the girl, it's quite possible the parents themselves had, which were very much attached and whose attention and care fueled their heart with love and to whom they paid the same feeling.Were they brothers and sisters with their children, whom they perceive as warmly and with interest, as some do not accept, and their children.Of course, this kind of communication can not fully replace a real family and own children, but still to some extent relieve the sharpness feeling of insecurity and restlessness, which is going through at all the lonely people.
There are also cases when the best friends of the family home are almost relatives: whether in joy, in trouble - they are right there.And assume the burden heavier, and find reward in the success of their buddies.And thus acquire the status of the most valuable - expensive, required a person.And it is very important for the internal stability, to not complain about destiny.
Another category alone, without experiencing mental discomfort: people obsessed with a certain passion that fills the heart, thoughts, aspirations.Sometimes it figures in education, science, culture, art, researchers, travelers, military.They clearly realize that they can not combine two critical lessons: favorite profession and education of children.And honestly make the choice.Success in work give them the strength, courage, cheerfulness.However, the broken hopes of a professional experienced them much heavier than the family men.Lean anything but the case, no matter what.
There is a large group of women, which acquires all the troubles his mother, and not to create their own family.It - childless and unmarried nurse, educator other people's children.The literature of all time, captured a good warm, heartfelt wisdom nannies, nurtured many great people, and those immortalized some of them for their love and recognition.For example, Pushkin was Arina Rodionovna called Mammy and her mother is not devoted most heartfelt and affectionate lines:
friend of my days of severe, dove, my decrepit ...
Marina Tsvetaeva confessed that she would like to be the Poetthan it was Arina, and a better life would not wish: no mother, no lover, no wife, namely nanny-girlfriend.
These examples and those that you look for in their environment, once again confirm that any phenomenon must be approached not routinely and thoughtfully.Then we will analyze the condition and behavior of people unhappy in its own.
try to differentiate their features and character in relation to the family.
The first type is a lonely man include those who want to start a family, but can not.
second in principle to acquire away the family circle, but can do without it.Life for him "the lesser evil" than the loneliness, but not the desired benefit.
third principled opponent of family life, although it has all the objective and subjective possibilities for its creation.
fourth did not want to acquire a family and can not.
fourth of the detected type, in all probability, we would have to ignore here.During the inability and unwillingness to start a family rooted most severe hardships, diseases of the body and the soul, perhaps even tragic circumstances.At least, these are isolated cases.
The first type is very common among single.Mostly it is people are shy, timid, modest by nature and upbringing.Since these properties are vested in the first place, girls, let's talk specifically about them, although all said the youth can easily transfer into your account, as well as the following examples, when the behavior of the representatives of different sexes is not very different.
In any room where revelry youth is easy to see girls who huddle against the wall, hiding behind a pillar, all evening, watching other people's joy and success.They go into the shadows to hide their true, or that most often fictitious and, of course, exaggerated shortcomings, external and internal.Because, indeed, remain in the shadow of his more spirited friends that nothing other things they do not exceed.
What unnoticed and are often rejected by the girl with the properties of the native women, the preference is their antipodes, leading some to question: is it really so valuable these properties?Otherwise, the most desirable brides would have been just them: shy, modest.And what good and faithful wives probably would have been a lot of them!
in the same situation and are often more vigorous, independent, even business girls and women, but with a definite ideal of a possible friend and wife.Often his portrait "rubbings" with a father or brother - man, much loved and revered.They see that the majority of girlfriends, too, had once dreamed of a knight without fear and without reproach, and put up with the reality of marrying, then life diligently educate her husband on his own conception of the proper.But uncompromising heart does not respond to the call of man, far from the intended sample.
If such "idealist" and dare to marry without the high passion, then, unable to compromise, or rather, are not ready for the works on the rehabilitation of ourselves and others, often divorced and again left alone.
When coming fortieth anniversary, many of them are willing to become involved in clubs "To 30", turn to the service of promoting the establishment of the family ( "dating service") with requests for help.
Note here we meet with noble characters and settings.These girls and women do not rush to the first comer neck and cross.They did not resign themselves to stagnation in a marriage without love and respect.At the same time they are ready to earnestly work for relatives, loved ones, too, will be faithful to their spouses and self-sacrificing mothers.For small business rose: find the perfect husband.And they - alas!- Not born, they are in the process of sharing of spiritual creativity.
The same type includes women and unsophisticated, simple but constant in his feelings and actions.Psychologists talk about these, they have the basic neural processes are fairly stable, even inert.Lone they remain, lost her husband, her lover, keeping in mind the eternal attachment to them (and not always the case and it is important: if he died, went to the other).Do not take repeated attempts to start a family, when burned by living together with a drunk, rude.
There are only among single, unique mother's and father's pet.They are well, cozy under the parental roof.And so you do not want to break away from it, even though they can not imagine life without her adult friendly own family.But at the same time that in the usual way, nothing changed.When they do marry, they rarely become independent owner and her husband did not allow to become independent from the parent's will and guardianship.For them, the husband - my mother-in-law.Because if returned to their hearth and home without the guilt guilty, razobizhennyh all men mama's daughters.
The same situation exists in many single mama's boy.If, however, under the common roof converge two single and unique, something to keep them near each other can really that close adhesion of the older generation, occupying around a young couple around defense and protecting the adult children from any bad weather.
representative of the first type can be found on the exterior.They are, as a rule, rarely respond to "fad", waiting for the model will enter into a reasonable direction.And so it will fit her to him that she will look for them is quite normal.Cosmetics have subdued tones.They did not hit an unexpected hair color, hairstyle, hair.Just like in their appearance, they do not tolerate sudden changes in everything else: in literary hobbies and entertainment, food, a place to live.Inertia, t. E. Constancy throughout.It is their courage ... and a hindrance to starting a family.
While their peers gave energetic emanate seven shoes istopchut looking for Mr Right, like Vasilisa the Wise, and the demure damsel-Idealist seven handkerchiefs isplachut, waiting to knock him out of the window a fine young man.They would have to get out of a warm lived-angle, change jobs, and even give up on a new building or to move the growing village, where you can hear, now in excess of unmarried men-machine operators.But ... inertia, timidity, what others will say?That, they say, for the grooms have moved!Awkward, uncomfortable, inappropriate.So in all of our lives are intertwined: that we consider a virtue, it may be a disadvantage, if you look on the other side.
second single type, as we have agreed to represent the men and women who choose marriage as less than lonely, but too bad, though common.A significant number in this series are young people who have grown up in the so-called partial or complete but dysfunctional families.To the family consciously seek above all those who know its true and great value, who used to be with the child under her wing warm and kind and just can not imagine myself any other way of life.
type described here combines a variety of people at all.Here meet and inert, and energetic, and what you want.They have in common - the inability to live a family circle.In recent years, scientists have enough compelling evidence that even the instinct of motherhood in a woman, paternity in men is more pronounced if a child in front of them appeared as a visible example of the love and care of children with both parents.
This category gravitate and those with mothers lived his life without her husband.Today it is primarily the children and grandchildren of the widows of wartime.Look where it is still lacking us war!Millions of girls born in the late 30's - early 40-ies of the fathers saw only the yellowed photographs on the memory memorized words stingy soldier's letters triangles.They did not know as much as possible and it is necessary to build relationships in the family, where next to his mother and father have a husband.Therefore copy the style and behavior of mothers.The same helpless and incompetent suitors and husbands were often young men who grew up in similar homes.Both are then reproduced in their ignorance have their own children.
third type - the ones who have all the possibilities and conditions for the creation of a family, but fundamentally rejects such a perspective.That is to say, "ideological bachelors" are usually successful in business, who are able to furnish your life with comfort and taste, love to travel, interested in literature and art is following their appearance and health.Sometimes they claim that would not grieve about their situation, if not annoying them regret relatives and friends about their loneliness.
fundamental rejection of family life in recent years is a considerable number of supporters, in fact - attempts to bring it under the theoretical basis.Some rush to declare such people truly modern, almost a "sign of progress", respectively enrolling antipodes in the category of "traditionalists" backward elements.
first argument, which is often given in their favor: they say, more honest, intelligent and energetic employees than their family and "detnye" colleagues.Because the state more profitable.Assertions of this kind are usually not based on official statistics.Therefore, you and I have reason to operate on their own observations and data, especially since we have compared the family and living alone, standing closer to retirement age, their position, qualifications, earnings.And make sure: the overwhelming majority of single did not win in this match.In addition, material-economic and defense power of the country is still dependent on the number of born and educated citizens.
second argument otherwise, intangible properties: they say, "the principal bachelors' batteries are spiritual values, they are attached to cultural achievements, art, development of which have been added everyday concerns of family neither the strength nor the time there.
about the number of books read, watched movies, visits of exhibitions and festivals, until recently, no one argued.And now, social scientists have questioned this relationship.And what exactly bachelors have reason to be cited as carriers of spiritual values, needs no proof.