The main types of family problems and their solutions

This chapter does not address general issues of constructive solutions to the problems discussed in the previous chapters, and the decision of some specific challenges that we face most often in conflict couples.These problems may be due to the personal qualities of the spouses, the peculiarities of their marriage, the dynamics of the marital relationship, as well as a number of internal and external factors affecting the marriage.

personal qualities SPOUSES

Source difficulties in family life may lie primarily in the features of the personality of one or both spouses.These may include terms, which initially corresponded to the norm, but they were not quite adequate personal qualities of the partner or the partner does not find the right approach to it, unable to cope with the specific characteristics of his psyche.In addition, it could be a pathological personality traits, which in themselves pose a problem in interpersonal relationships, and even more in the marital relationship.

Normal properties

person the study of the individual spouses deserve special attention properties due to temperament, such polar traits as extroversion - introvert,

rationalism - romanticism, dominance - subordination, hostility-friendliness, flexibility rigidnost-, temper - calm,stability - lability, optimism - pessimism, activity - passivity, complacency - the responsibility and the ability to social adaptation, mental poise and composure.

The current psychological methods psychometric testing, unfortunately, do not give a clear answer to the question about the influence of similarity (homogeneity) or opposites and mutual supplement (complementarity) defined-ilennyh features of temperament on the harmony and the success of the marriage.It can be reasonably assumed.

Psychological factors of marital disharmony in some cases, polarity positive influence homogeneity (eg, in the case of extraversion - introvert), in others complementary (dominance - subordination), and in some cases more profitable for both partners is only one of the polar properties(carelessness - responsibility pedantry).Usually very popular are recommendations concerning the compatibility of personal qualities, although they are based more on clinical experience than on conclusive scientific data.

On peculiarities of the nature of the spouses shows their attitude to work, people around, the property to themselves and relatives.It is important and basic moral principles, interests, outlook, lifestyle, psychosocial maturity and scale of values.Problems can create some habits, such as smoking is one of the partners.

and classical concepts of Hippocrates TYPOLOGY can be used in couples therapy.

Choleric is characterized by increased excitability.He is an active, self-confident, imperious, tends to dictate, to impose their views;it protects their rights around seeking justice, truth.He is easily irritated, improves voice breaks.Such a person emits energy that has the power and determination.This is a man of action, although his actions largely reckless.To express it needs society, environment.Often he uncritically assesses the situation, too stubbornly insisted.Authoritativeness and temper, tendency to suppress easily lead to disputes and conflicts.It is recognized, but not love.

partners need to explain that the choleric is inappropriate to contradict when he is excited.Objections only strengthen his arousal and increase immunity to reason.At such times it is better not to challenge his opinion, and wait until it settles and the excitement it will calm down.

Phlegmatic responds to all slow motion, not immediately.He is calm, less mobile, it is difficult to excite.Such a man is not irritated with failure or defeat, does not do anything too much, it performs all slowly.He does not feel "great passion" and has no large claims;it is a sober realist, a few lazy, it attracted little high ideals and quite satisfied mediocrity.He rarely takes the initiative to work slowly;it takes a long time to rouse him, but his Operate it performs aggressively, thoroughly and well.He is not interested in social activities, but, on the other hand, supports a majority of people even, non-conflict relations.

in marital relations phlegmatic brings stability and tranquility.Have-phlegmatic wife in principle a good idea.Although it is sometimes annoying slowness more temperamental partner, the latter gradually becomes accustomed to it.After all, if you want to find something, you have to be patient.Phlegmatic is necessary to allow time for him to learn and digest everything.

Melancholy serious, even sad.This indecisive, hesitant man, he lacks courage and momentum for action.It is often encompass a doubt, it is easily vulnerable, fidgety, restless, easily suggestible, insecure, often feels a sense of inferiority;sometimes it is complex, it is difficult to understand, it is closed, in a society rarely takes the initiative and feels insecure.The outside world is often poorly protected melancholic hurt, so he develops a tendency to pessimism.However, melancholic can have a rich inner world, capable of deep, stable feelings.In marriage, he often goes to the role of the enslaved and deceived;He brings a lot of suffering from the aggressive behavior of their partner.

Life with melancholic partner makes serious demands.From it requires self-control and sensitivity, particularly careful and tactful behavior.Melancholy is necessary to thoroughly stir before he began to talk about their feelings;you must try to get into his position to help him overcome his pessimism and strengthen the faith in their own strength.

Sanguine - a living, active and cheerful person who has dominated a good mood, optimism and cheerfulness.Often he is not inclined to perceive the environment very seriously.Irritation he does not continue long in his life, he soon notices her light hand, conflicts and grievances settles very quickly.Frivolity is engaged at the same time too many things instead of thoroughly fulfill at least some of them.He loves company and fun, it is easy to meet people and is a pleasant companion.He can well organize a variety of entertainment, and people are pleased to be in his company.He is inclined to inconstancy and superficial relationships, sometimes less thoughtful and less responsible, that can irritate a serious partner for marriage.

With sanguine easy to live, does not require any special tactics behavior.However, considering his nonchalant way I AND (NO, you should try to load his family concerns, but do not forget to comply with the measure. Otherwise, unpleasant situations, he may try to escape will go out of the house where it nicer and quieter.

Pathologicalpersonality traits

Some personality traits may be abnormally exaggerated basically at the expense of other features. depending on their intensity, as well as the difficulties they cause in their vehicle or its surroundings, we distinguish between accented, abnormal and psychopathic characteristics. a detailed description of the individualpsychopathic personality traits can be found in all textbooks of psychiatry and specialized monographs. considerable attention is paid to them Rzak (1973, 1975) when considering the problems of marital relations.

There will be presented a brief description of the pathological personality types that most often contribute to the emergence of difficulties in the marital relationship.At the same time we will focus on respect for them marriage partner, and we will use accurate and detailed description Plzak.

Asthenic gipersenzitivnaya and personality.For that Coy personality characterized by some features of normal mlanholicheskogo type.On asthenic person can speak in the case of the prevalence of general weakness, passivity, timid and ill-adapted to life.About gipersenzitivnoy person may speak when the prevailing vulnerability, softness and increased comforting to external stimuli.Even small loads cause such persons nevroticheskiereaktsii, they do not withstand the load.It is useless to try to influence them by force.Most often, they respond by crying, making it clear that they are wronged and cheated, showing how they are unhappy.

Partner Day, it is important to learn to recognize when you need to be especially careful and sensitive to comfort and support (ie. E. To take its concerns and problems to itself), and when to be firm and unyielding to astenik not started to terrorize the family of his asthenia.You can try to engage in asthenic individual sessions of group psychotherapy and teach anger management skills and self-hypnosis.A healthy partner is necessary from time to time take a break from the demands that it makes living together with astenikov.The same can be said about gipersenzitivnoy personality.

explosive personality.Such a person is a distinct type of choleric.Such people have a flash of anger, followed by rude insults and often physical violence.In a state of anger, they beat their partner.Reasons that may cause them irritation, commensurate with the intensity of symptoms.The scandals arise, as a rule, quite trifling occasion and not only at home but also at work, with friends, in a shop, in transport.Explosive person is not able to acquire an explosion of anger at the time.After a flash of anger in some cases such a person regrets his behavior is justified, trying to make amends to the partner of various concessions and gifts.This anomaly occurs more often in men.Sometimes it occurs in the so-called epileptoid personality, which is characterized by the presence of organic symptoms.

Cohabitation with fiery puts special partner in marriage before a situation recurring short-term threat.Chronic conflict situation occurs when a healthy partner does not see in these manifestations of disease outbreaks and responds to them as usual bouts of anger, with which a person is able to cope.

arguer.It is disappointed, angry, stubborn pessimist.All of it is not so, he does not like anything, all over, he finds some flaw.Nothing he does not bring happiness, and it is easy to spoil the good mood around.Arguer sees the world only in somber colors;In his opinion, no one does good deeds, all around makes a folly.He berates and criticizes others, manifests intolerance and behaves as if everything were scoundrels or fools.

Marriage with arguer can withstand only one partner who is capable of, not paying attention to his presence, to realize themselves in work, child care, contact with friends and acquaintances, active enthusiasm some interesting work.

Pedant.This is a man characterized by petty accuracy, excessive adherence to the order.Family problems arise from the fact that such qualities as it requires the other.Meticulously wife constantly seems that the house a mess, so she constantly something cleans and washes, corrects and checks.U-pedantic husband all things must lie in their places, it does not tolerate any interference in its elaborate system.Pedant can inspire confidence and respect, confidence, stability, but not admiration, joy or love.At its extreme pedant psychopath is terrorizing family members that leads them to follow the established order and their strict schedule.This causes resistance, protest, tension and a feeling of lack of freedom.

Partner can try to take to ensure that he appreciated the clear benefits of commitment to human order and punctuality.Pedants, we give a series of precisely formulated tasks that allow him to realize the excessive love of order itself, but not to spread their demands on others.

schizoid personality.Such persons marked lack of ability to express their feelings, even to the extreme emotional poverty and isolation, the lack of adequate contact with others, which is often associated with shyness, fearfulness and easily vulnerable.Schizoid may cause those around surprised his strange views, opinions, behavior, maladjustment, and even detachment from practical life, is largely abstract or too complicated reasoning and unclear speech.The most active schizoid personality rather provoke surrounding its non-conforming, whereas a passive part of society usually avoid people because of increased vulnerability.

schizoid, as a rule, for a long time (if not always) remain single.The success of a marriage depends largely on the motivation and the ability to adapt to the partner, on its ability to smooth out the manifestation of strangeness, impracticality, Overcast schizoid personality.

aneticheskaya antisocial personality.This personality type is characterized by a significant reduction (up to a total absence) of high emotions, mainly of sympathy, warmth, friendliness;thus manifest disregard of the condemnation of others, lack of attention and a clear lack of respect for other people, is often allowed immoral behavior.One embodiment of such a person are slackers, shirkers and criminals-recidivists.For another embodiment, a person who holds the laziness, unwillingness to work, and the lack of responsiveness skillfully hide.For women belonging to this type of personality, characterized by severe dirtiness, untidiness, poor personal hygiene, untidy children, husbands - parasitism, lack of concern for the family;usually they are parasitic on the family.

Psychotherapeutic treatment in such situations can be generally regarded as a waste of time.Such persons must be isolated from society and family, as heavy damage they cause often irreparable.

hysterical personality.It is characterized by heightened emotionality, vivid imagination, an increased need in the surrounding attention, commitment to showcasing, dramatization, exaggeration, self-centeredness.Hysterical person often experience discomfort associated with the existence of contradictions between their romantic notions bright and dull, banal reality.They either go into the world of fantasy, or try to cause some excitement around them, to attract attention.They exaggerate, invent, play like at the theater.Sometimes they lose the boundary between fantasy and reality."The Game" in some cases it may take place at a high level and generate interest.It is difficult to determine,

whether hysterical person uses sthenic way to attract the attention of even such dramatic manifestations of weakness and dependence, or exaggerate their difficulties.Feelings hysteria rather unstable, it often moves from one extreme to another.Hysterical person can be endlessly inspiring and immediately after this "terrible unhappy."Then they often talk about suicide or try to commit suicide.Such attempts are not serious and have the character of an emotional "blackmail."

often pointed out that hysterical psychopathy is like the ultimate expression of normal or a caricature of femininity.To moderate hysterical manifestations observed in women are quite soft in our society.In the eyes of some men even mild hysteria lends a certain appeal of beautiful women (but until they get their wives).In behavior-hysterical men observed uncharacteristic for men features - flirty, some femineity.Sometimes, on the contrary, hysteria in men appears unnecessary underlining purely masculine traits: excessive exaggeration of their own strength, demonstrating heroic antics or view himself as irresistible seducer and sex giant.