Spousal conflicts : especially dangerous cases

Egocentric behavior and its effect on married life

experience of advisory work with divorcing spouses has led to the conclusion that selfish traits of character of the spouses, their concentration on their "I" - one of the factors of destabilization of married life.Selfishness and self-centeredness of the spouses lead to the collapse of the marriage of the ship.The paradox lies in the fact that the spouses tend to see the selfishness of his partner, but do not see their own.When counseling divorcing spouses sociologist, psychologist or psychotherapist most glaring defects of moral development of the spouses, the excessive concentration of attention and all mental energy on his own "I".

If we analyze all our so-called stuffy life, we notice what a great place we avert our thinking about ourselves.

As a rule, these reflections we have been extreme self-praise, samopochitaniem, erecting themselves into different moral pedestals.Self-aggrandizement - very terrible moral disease, since we often forget all

measure.The path to his own cult of personality the most simple, unsophisticated and primitive, if unconditionally follow their passions and desires, if we exclude any volitional effort.

Our "I" is always committed to the rule, seniority, leadership, superiority over others."I" - is almost always a dictator and master, which is one of the main sources of conflict.

concentration on his "I" interferes take the necessary and objective position, to analyze their own actions somewhat abstractly, impartially.

«struggle» with the other stems from the false position in life, the false opposition between "I" and "They", of a false understanding of the moral relations with other people.Selfish personal orientation often brought up spontaneously, without any conscious intentions of parents and teachers.Selfishness and self-centeredness to a certain extent connected with the formation of an autonomous, independent and self-the "I", but this is not complied with a sense of proportion and not internalized social norms of responsibility, duty to others.

main defect of moral education of a person and the fact that she was raised in the bloated, extremely exaggerated claims to all the people around, on the one hand, and extreme moral irresponsibility - on the other.The selfish person requires for itself from the other to the max, and gives to others to a minimum.

Meanwhile, family life always takes into account the interests of other family members and expressions of caring for them.However, the self-centeredness of one or both spouses exclude a consideration of the interests and the more genuine concern for other loved ones.

Source egocentrism to be found in childhood years, when a child in the parental home, on the one hand, was the center of attention of all its members, and on the other - he was not accustomed to taking care of my mom, dad, grandparents, brothers and sisters.Particularly strong self-absorption characteristic of the only child in the family.

Unfortunately, parenting overlooked an important aspect of moral education of the child's personality: the ability to take care of loved ones and dear to us humans, as well as people in general.Somehow, in the scientific and popular scientific literature on pedagogy is no emphasis on this, quite frankly, a fundamental ability.Without such capacity is unlikely to be fruitful and effective cooperation in all social groups.

How often in the divorce proceedings for the external heap mutual claims of the former spouses have to watch the fierce struggle between two selfish, not wanting to see or hear anything, not able to think about anything, except for their own selfish interests.

In our opinion, taking care of loved ones: children, parents, husband, wife, brother, sister, etc. - the basic moral quality of the person...Unlikely friendships, love and marital relationships can survive a long time without the presence of similar quality.Caring for another person in the first place suggests that we identify our interests with the interests of the partners, their needs and desires we regard as their own.In such cases, our "I" [divisible by the "I" of another person.The merger of the two "I" - a necessary condition of true friendship, love - the basic foundation of the marital relationship.Maximum interests, desires, intentions, needs and values ​​of marriage partner - one of the most important and essential conditions of marriage and family life.Of course, it is necessary to consider also another condition: there is formed in man from childhood sense of compassion, mercy, sympathy, ability to enter into the psychic world of another person.It is the second most important indicator of the moral education of the person, his psychological maturity.

There is a so-called linear scale, the extremes of which, by definition, psychiatrists are "unfeeling psychopaths", ie people with a complete lack of a sense of charity, compassion, empathy..;at the other end of the linear scale are those with unusually developed opposite qualities that other people's pain and suffering, joy and success is perceived as their own.Feelings of emotional empathy, and a way to penetrate into the emotional world of the other person is different in their strength and depth for each individual, yet all the people can be placed on a similar scale, and thus to determine the level of emotional warmth.Moreover, foreign and domestic psychologists have created special tests, questionnaires that can be used to identify the degree of development of a sense of empathy (Sinton) a particular person.

human relationship with a man - one of the central problems of psychology, ethics and moral philosophy.So in this case we are the bridge that connects purely ethical problem of the relationship of one person to another with psychological problems, t. E. It is a question of how universal ethical values, norms, rules become domestic property rights, includes an organic part of thein his inner psychic world.

in interpersonal family relationships very much depends on how a moral, cultural, spiritual and psychological experience of people married.It is important then, to what extent and to what extent a person has learned the universal ethical norms and rules, ie. E. Analytically important to know how was the education of the individual, as a process of socialization developed under the influence of family, school and the whole social environment.

Each person in the process of its formation is experiencing a lot of negative effects, many of which are real trauma.There are few lucky ones who were brought up in a fairly harmonious social environment.

It should also be borne in mind that people - especially contradictory creature in nature is mixed in the most bizarre form of positive and negative traits: morality and immorality, honor and dishonor, generosity and greed, and so on ad infinitum.In European thought, contradictory human nature perfectly described Blaise Pascal: "We are not satisfied with our real life and our true being - we need to create in the representation of certain groups of people-image, and for this we are trying to appear.Spare no effort and we are constantly embellish Holim is imaginary "I" to the detriment of the "I" to the present.If we tend to generosity, and peace of mind, or the ability to be faithful, we hasten to inform about these properties all over the world and in order to decorate them we invented, we are ready to take them away from us the true;We do not even off to become shorts, just to pass for brave.The undisputed sign of nonentities of our "I" lies in the fact that it is not satisfied with either himself or his fictional counterpart and often change their places .. We are so conceited that they would like to become famous among all the people who inhabit the earth - even amongthose that appear when we disappear;we are so vain that amused and satisfied with a good reputation among the five or six people close to us. "

Unfortunately, human nature is such that he does not want to know the truth about himself, and is unlikely to have any exaggeration in discerning and deep-Cape Lyakh Blaise Pascal.

Unfortunately, the nature of almost all men have some form of deficiencies affecting the marital relationship.For example, the pursuit of cleanliness and order in the apartment - a very commendable quality of every woman, but even such a feature, driven to excessive extremes, it becomes literally obsession and complicates the lives of all family members.

Known severity of the father to the misdemeanors of children is natural and necessary, but in some cases it can reach the cold cruelty and constant physical punishment of children.You could even give examples of how the most seemingly completely positive character traits of their behavior can be poured into its opposite.In the past two decades, these concepts have been introduced in medical psychology, as "accented personality", "accented character" "accentuation character -. This is extreme variants of the rules under which the individual character traits excessive force, resulting detected selective vulnerability of a certain kind of psychogenic effects whengood and even increased resistance to the other. "in more severe accented character traits they can imprint on the whole person and is largely complicate relationships with other people. a careful study it was found that the person with the accented character traits make up quite a large contingent. Prof.K. Leonhard (GDR) notes the following fact: "... the population of our country, in any case, the population of Berlin, is 50% accentuated personality and 50% - the standard type of people in relation to the population of any state data mo-gut.be completely different ».

in real life is not so rare to meet people, which have a false notion of pride.It is an excessively high opinion of himself, or groundless arrogance, arrogant conceit.For such people, seeks to mean more than they really are.They often tend to stand out among others, to attract attention, something to "show off" and something to brag about.These traits will definitely hamper the effective and fruitful co-operation with others.

establishment of normal relations with other people are also more difficult in cases when we are highly intolerant of other people's opinions and judgments.

Of course, in this case, our discussion of human weaknesses and shortcomings rather abstract, because each individual is characterized by its own unique set of one or other imperfections.What is clear is that long ago should abandon primitive scheme consisting in the fact that there are "good" people and there are "bad".The first group of people characterized only positive traits, and the second - only negative.Classics of world literature perfectly understand complex dialectic combination of both positive and negative in one person.For example, Leo Tolstoy in his diary for 1898 he wrote: "One of the greatest misconceptions when making judgments about a person that we call, we define: a person smart, stupid;good, evil, strong, weak, and the man has everything: all the possibilities ... ".

Then he writes: "How good it would write a work of art, which would clearly express the human flow, that it is the same, the villain, the angel, the sage, the idiot, the athlete, the powerless creature".

This idea is embodied in the works of Fyodor Dostoyevsky, who showed great diversity, ambiguity of man.

Thus, in the analysis of human behavior, behavior, marital conflict we expect some progress only when we recognize the brutal truth: in every person a lot of various shortcomings that complicate the lives of those near and dear to him.