About the difficulties of life and critical situations in the family
analysis of the motives of divorce suggests that they reflect the subjective assessment of the divorce process through the eyes of each of the spouses.Usually, the culprit is the other side of unhappiness.Therefore it is impossible to draw any objective conclusions about the actual difficulties of married life.It creates the false impression that their family is not there.The motives of divorce - is probably a subjective justification for themselves and for the court decision to terminate the attempted marriage with a particular person.To create a more or less objective picture of the dysfunctional process in marriage is necessary to analyze the difficulties with which the spouses are found in family life.Apparently, one should proceed from the simple and almost self-evident proposition that life itself is hard, that is. E. Associated with the constant overcoming of various obstacles.
Any activity, education, mastery of the profession are also associated with overcoming countless difficulties.
Labor itself is inevitably linked with a certain force, nervous tension, some obstacles, difficulties, considerable costs of physical strength and the psychophysical energy.It is unclear what came first in our language the word "labor" or "hard", but their deeper sense and unquestionable.
Kid difficult to learn to walk, it is very difficult to learn how to hold a spoon in hand and dressed himself.It is very difficult, especially in the early days, in the first week, to be in kindergarten away from his mother.It is difficult to learn how to write, read, solve math problems.Consequently, efforts are needed to generate a constant training of various skills and abilities.
concept « life difficult » is important for us in order to fully and accurately describe the psychological and social maturity of the individual.human preparedness, the ability to overcome any difficulties in life - one of the most important indicators of maturity.The difficulties of marriage and family life varied.The joint activities of the spouses, they are not insurmountable.Therefore, when we analyze the problems of marriage and the family, then for us it is crucial to the ability and the ability of spouses to overcome various difficulties of life.
It goes without saying that a different material and housing family software can completely differently reflected in the minds of the spouses.For example, earnings in the amount of 180-200 rubles.one may seem a very decent and relatively high, and the other - low.Therefore, any difficulties in life, subjectively reflected in the psyche of the spouses, create unequal mental stress, a different attitude, which is reflected in actual behavior.
The fact that one of the spouses may be subject to heavy experiences, for another - an ordinary everyday event, which although causes negative emotions, but a small glow.
Apparently, relatively independent issue is the degree, so to speak, fitness man, t. E. He is prepared to overcome the challenges the entire previous life.It is this circumstance is often determined by the extraordinary vitality of a particularly talented scientists and artists, who "made themselves", having overcome various kinds of obstacles and difficulties.An example is the novel Martin Eden by Jack London.He overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles.The life has prepared him to overcome more and more obstacles in the way of his dream.
So, from a psychological point of view, we are talking about human resistance to stress, and in simple everyday terms - about its viability.The process of life becomes a "university" for humans.In order to achieve the planned, he must learn to overcome difficulties in life is almost inevitable.
Overcoming difficulties necessarily associated with the mental strain.People with different strength of the nervous system and can withstand various mental stress.In this case we are talking about the various possibilities of the individual success or failure to cope with the difficulties and obstacles.
So, when we talk about a person's ability to overcome certain difficulties in life, you should take into account: a) the effect of the nervous system;b) the state of mental health;c) subjective perception of difficulties;1) efforts, the voltage required to overcome the difficulties;d) the degree of social learning in overcoming difficult life situations.
Will logical ordinary everyday difficulties separating from such important issues as marriage for the family tree stumps at some point simply insoluble (eg, inability to obtain housing, very low material prosperity).They can be designated as critical life situations.They are the most dangerous for marriage and family, because they create a situation constant dissatisfaction with the basic needs of the spouses, which in turn leads to chronic psychological stress.
critical life situations differ in the length of time (for example, the housing problem is unsolvable for the couple for years).Naturally, the content and nature of critical situations depends on what it does not need is met.
The couple may also occur simultaneous challenges of a different nature: the material, housing, conflicts with parents on either side, a variety of difficulties at work, lack of time, children's illness and his own illness, inability or difficulty to the child device to kindergarten, etc.. Therefore, the human mind must be prepared to withstand the simultaneous difficulties and hardships.In this situation, all again dependent on the degree of mental stress created difficulties in life, their duration, on the one hand, and, on the other - on mental health status of the individual, the type of nervous system and temperament.
Here we must mention that this or that person may be able to overcome the difficulties alone, by organizing all their activities and behavior to achieve this goal.However, the same person may not be able to do it together with someone, t. E. It does not have the skills of a joint, cooperative behavior, which is typical for family interaction.Consequently, there is a specific number of difficulties associated with human relationships, with the skills and abilities to work together collectively.Strictly speaking, we are talking about the difficulties of joint activities where there are rules and regulations, rights and responsibilities, division of labor, common goals and objectives.Such synergy is also characteristic of family life.
difficulties and critical life situations can cause one or both of the spouses both stress, crisis, characterized by varying degrees of strength and mental stress.From the point of view of medical psychology and psychiatry, different life challenges and critical circumstances of life are interpreted as stressful factors.
Thus, in the family creates a very negative psychological conditions.In such circumstances, quarrels and conflicts between spouses become especially destructive force.In this connection, it should fundamentally new way to assess the motives of divorce as a purely subjective reflection of all the difficulties and critical situations faced by spouses in a joint married life.For those motifs that appear in divorce cases, are hidden deep socio-economic and socio-psychological factors that can disrupt family life.It is objectively linked with a variety of difficult and critical situations very often stresses caused by objective difficulties of family life, become chronic, and negative emotions - permanent and sustainable.Each of the spouses accumulated frustration of married life.The nature of marriage is that spouses involuntarily in the mind of the difficulties associated with the personality of the other marital partner.Thus, he gradually as it becomes official, "the adverse conditions under which turned out to be a family.Recall the traditional, stereotypical accusations wives against husbands, "You can not provide for his family."It is only natural that those who put forward certain unjust accusations, attempts to justify himself.Thus, the basis for quarrels and conflicts there.So there is a "snowball effect", where one conflict creates an endless chain of others.The couple are moving to the criticism of personality characteristics each other in emotional quarrels begin insults and humiliation that painfully hurt self-esteem, the most painful and the most sensitive part of our "I".