Self-esteem and stability of marriage
We have already noted that many difficulties, crises and conflicts in married life is almost impossible to consider when analyzing the motives of divorce.For example, on the basis of materials divorce proceedings can not draw any conclusions about the incompatibility of philosophical views of the spouses, their fundamental differences of value orientations, different views on family life issues about how the unmet needs of spouses affect the stability of marriage.Inconvenient to anything definite to say and what personality traits spouses lead to conflict situations in married life.
Each of the spouses, marrying, is the current system of values, ie. E. A system of individual ideas about what is important and meaningful in life.In this area, the couple may be significant differences and even opposing opinions, judgments, evaluations.
consider in more detail the issue of some of the needs of the spouses and potential conflict situations based on them.
need for the preservation and maintenance of self-es
Insults, offenses arise when human dignity is infringed when the manifest disregard for the person, disrespectful, rude attitude.The marriage and family life is such a need to be satisfied, because we love only, and the one who loves and appreciates us himself.
Typically, people seek recognition of the value of their personal, these primarily from relatives, family and friends.It is in these groups companionship person wishes to receive the attentions, respect, acknowledgment of its importance.The need for the preservation and maintenance of self-esteem is a manifestation of human needs in a positive assessment of himself through the evaluation and attitude of other people.This need is also caused by a constant desire to feel self-esteem, since the latter is a measure of inner spiritual harmony, balancing our psyche.
There are two poles - high self-esteem, self-esteem and low when a person blames, condemns himself for some offenses.High self-esteem and self-esteem suggests that the psychic life of the individual flows without sharp internal conflicts;and if they do happen, the people quite successfully cope with them.
Enough high self-esteem - a necessary element of spiritual harmony of man.To preserve and maintain mental balance, harmony, it is imperative to preserve and maintain self-esteem.Thus, it is not some human whim, but a psychological necessity, a need.
Naturally, self-esteem and other aspects of the human "I" is closely linked with the need for respect, attention, care of other people.
In families where the wife treat each other dismissive, contemptuous, humiliating the feelings of another, there are enmity, hatred, alienation.This group of unions and of the so-called dysfunctional families.No need to be a psychologist, and observe life closely enough, people's behavior to determine how easy to offend a person to hurt his feelings and how he responds to such deep disrespect to him.
analysis of human relationships shows that the structure of personality the most painful and vulnerable it is self-esteem, self-esteem.It can be argued that the stability of marriage and family life satisfaction depends on how spouses treat each other, how to keep and maintain a sense of self-esteem at a high level.
person should experience positive feelings and emotions in relation to oneself, which is possible only in an environment where others confirm their self-esteem.
These modern psychology suggests that people basically have to love yourself, respect yourself.In this case, it is with kindness, friendliness will also apply to other people.Thus, the attitude towards other is closely related to the attitude towards oneself, and vice versa.Here we see complex dialectical relation and interaction of psychological processes.Unfortunately, they are still poorly understood, and modern psychology has for them is a modest knowledge.
From the perspective of social psychology, marriage and the family may be considered the most important reference groups.
satisfaction needs to be loved, respected, revered is in many cases a variety of needs for self-esteem.At the meeting the need to be loved person receives a very important supporting positive information, without which it is practically impossible mental stability and balance.In the case of dissatisfaction with such a need explicit or implicit "inferiority complexes" can be folded in the individual.
In this case, the person must be to live in harmony with itself, and therefore require a positive supporting information about their value and significance.
Thus, a person tends to harmony and balance in their spiritual life.The latter is a very important component of mental health.
It is important to bear in mind that people with a harmonious psyche completely different will be treated to a difficult family situation than people mentally unbalanced, disharmonious.
need for maintaining and preserving the self-esteem is closely related to the definition, which gives the person himself, and that in that psychology is called "self-concept."
Here we have in mind that each of us defines himself: who he is, one gives himself a set of characteristics.However samoharakteristika are not only a product of their own subjective feelings, experiences, thoughts.In varying degrees, they are based on opinion
relatives, friends, companions, parents, relatives.Of course, that samoharakteristika prevail and subjective aspects.Everyone is more or less inclined to give her the perfect "I" for real as it may be, a person expects from his neighbors supporting information that the concept of "I", which he created for himself in his imagination.In this respect, love, friendship, warmth, attention from another person are very important psychological fact confirms the value and significance of our own "I", the value and uniqueness of the individual.For the study of marriage and family relationship is important is that the person needs to recognize its importance primarily
close (father, mother, wife, husband, children, near relatives and friends).A person should always be positive, emotional and warm attitude towards his own person.
Sometimes a person feels, realizes that he does not meet the social and cultural standards of the so-called "cultural", "civilized" man. This gives rise to feelings of guilt, shame, inferiority and uncertainty in itself. To get rid of a powerful psychological pressure similar feelings and experienceshe needs the evidence of others that he is the principle of "good", "moral", "clean", "good", "generous" and so on. d. These circumstances force a person to make sometimes a lot of effort, and sometimes clever invention,to get positive information, one way or another evidence of its "goodness". This information is needed to man first of all in order to save a generally positive assessment of his personality in his own eyes.
This is only a small part of what mental functions are performed by a need to beloved, respected, revered in a complex and confusing mental life.
and now try to describe other functionalities need to be loved, respected, revered, which is expressed in self-esteem.Everyone knows that people - being purely social, not thinking of its existence, without other people.He is most afraid of loneliness, alienation from friends and people dear to him, he is afraid of being abandoned.Therefore, to be loved and revered loved ones have a very strong guarantee that the danger of loneliness, alienation or isolation virtually none.Thus, the need to be loved expresses human psychological need to be addressed, concern, interest, be desirable, useful and necessary to his friends and relatives."Necessity - this condition is fulfilled life.When I needed with me, mind, strength and charm.Then I was strong and sure he is right.When I do not need, I am weak and helpless, bad acts of my mind and ability.I feel miserable, guilty, without knowing what. "Awareness of their human need and necessity for the friends and relatives of people - the most powerful source of inner psychic energy person."Just the thought of your usefulness to the other gives you the strength and confidence."
Need to be necessary and useful to others can not seem moral at first sight, but in the professional activity and family communication person should feel that his work, his efforts are needed and necessary to others.One of the most difficult and painful feelings, when a person feels the futility and uselessness of his own existence.Naprimep, difficulties and problems are often an elderly person that by going on a holiday, he suddenly feels that it no longer needs their communities.Moreover, it happens and so that the elderly person is a feeling that he no longer needed his adult children.All together generate feelings of sadness, dejection, depression, and other purely negative emotional states.
Need to be necessary and useful to others stems from the mutual dependence of people in any social group where there is a certain division of labor.For example, in a family where the volume of domestic work is really huge, there is a need for real mutual and real interaction.In married life the couple met a variety of needs: sexual, spiritual and material.A special place among them belongs to the emotional and psychological needs, which we associate with the psychological structure and content of our "I"..
Emotional and psychological needs include the need to love and be loved, the need for self-esteem, awareness of the value and significance of his personality, the need for intimate, confidential communication, the need for psychological support and understanding.These requirements serve an important function to ensure the stability of the psychic life of the individual, give him the necessary conditions for a harmonious balance of all mental (spiritual) life dramatically improve overall mental stability to all the other difficulties of life.
Thus, the stability of marriage directly and indirectly dependent on the extent to which and the extent to married life are satisfied emotionally and mental needs.If they are not met, then destroyed the moral and psychological stability of married life, there is a feeling of frustration, resentment, feelings of uselessness and its other negative emotions.