Previous studies adultery

Family counseling is faced with the following types of destruction of family relations: a quarrel, conflict, crisis, divorce.Each type of degradation can be characterized by parameters such as the scale of abuse and their reversibility, heaviness.So, the quarrel - shallow, covering only one aspect of family life, easily reversible disorder relations.Conflict captures a number of parties to family life is more depth and less likely to go unnoticed.Crisis covers almost all the important sides of family relations, requires a fundamental restructuring of their differs considerable depth.Divorce - is the actual disintegration of the relationship.It does not matter a formal divorce, it is important to such a state of marriage when the relationship is completely broken, the probability of their recovery is problematic.

Treason as a variant of violations of married life stands in the proposed number of types of family destruction, as is qualitatively different from any of them.Adultery can occur in healthy fami

lies, there may be no destroyed.Her area of ​​action - sexy-love relationship of the spouses, while the quarrel, conflict, crisis is a definite lack of quality and can be developed in the field of residential, recreational, economic and other relations.

Thus, infidelity - one of the types of marital destruction, which captures the area of ​​marital for the modern family - the major cause of marriage, often serving as the only motive for his commitment and existence.Therefore, cheating can lead to the disintegration of a marriage or a serious crisis.Note that cheating concerns not family relationships, but only married, as its members - only marriage partners, but not all members of the family.Engaging in an experience of betrayal other household does not change its nature.

In our practice, family counseling infidelity occurs quite frequently - about every fourth case.Help a family with infidelity is particularly complex and delicate as a betrayal

1) threatens the integrity of the family;

2) affects the important basics of family - feelings married;

3) is transferred to the other side of family life, destroying household, economic, recreational and other relations;

4) is accompanied by the experience of jealousy that bring in the family drama profound affects, damaging themselves;

5) affects the sense of honor and personal dignity that makes change not only interpersonal, but also individual-personal phenomenon.

adultery can be analyzed in terms of the causes, dynamics, achievements circumstances, psychology of participants, the relationship to her opinion, the consequences for the family, her husband's feelings, and so on. D. Let us consider some of them.As for the infidelity of reasons, we were able to identify the following.

1. New Love.Typically, such a reason to change characteristic of marriages in which love was originally a minor or even absent: the rational, rational or forced marriages, based on the benefit, tradition, fear of loneliness, or other motives.

2. Retribution.A number of adultery based on the desire to avenge the infidelity of spouse, to restore a sense of self-esteem.

3. desecrated love.Treason occurs in the marriages with nonreciprocal sense.One of the spouses is suffering from rejection of his love, unrequited feelings.This leads to quench it in another partnership, where reciprocity is possible.Sometimes he does not like changing a new partner, but it responds to feeling sympathy for his unrequited loving person.The search for new love experiences.This type of change is characteristic of the couple with considerable experience of living together when the feeling faded.It is also found in families with a hedonistic morality, when every effort is taken from life.This version changes may occur under the influence of foreign models "beautiful life", as an imitation of sexual freedom.

5. Restores.With this type of change a person compensates for the lack of love relationships, which arises from the long separation, the spouse of the disease and other restrictions on the completeness of married love.

6. total disintegration of the family.In this case, betrayal - it is actually creating a new family, when the former for one reason or another perceived unsustainable.

7. Random bond.Typically, such a betrayal is not characterized by regularity, it can be triggered by certain circumstances (intoxication, an opportunity, the partner determination and so forth.).

experience of betrayal can be combined into a single syndrome, mental reactions, the basis of which - jealousy.In our literature, jealousy is considered within psychiatry as a pathological phenomenon.However, we are convinced that it is a fairly common phenomenon of friendship, married, love relationships - those that can be called a partner.In contrast to the business, social and hierarchical, partnership - personal, this ratio is equal to men.The partnership is characterized by a high degree of intimacy, selectivity, the personal importance.For the partners of their relationships have a deep sense of life, they are unique, irreplaceable in other relationships, as related to the satisfaction of deep needs of individual life plans, a strong psychological dependence on each other.

Jealousy arises as a reaction to the threat of collapse of the partnership in the competition situation.The threat - one of the conditions of jealousy, since, according to E. Lindemann, when the real decay of partnership arise grief.The threat may be real when there are rival claims to be a partner and having a chance to win, and imaginary, when the presence of an opponent based on assumptions caused a cooling sensation in the partnership, or contradictory, suspicious partner's behavior, or lack of partnership information on the nature of the relationship (for example, by separation).

treason Consulting on real opponent is much easier, because you can influence relationships in the triangle, you can bring an opponent to a situation analysis.When the imaginary rival jealous easily becomes pathological, crazy.Note, however, that the alleged or real sopernik- second important condition of jealousy, as competition with them for the right to have a partner is the essence of jealousy.

jealousy reactions can be classified on several grounds: the criterion standards - normal and abnormal reactions, for substantive criterion - affective, cognitive, behavioral, by type of experience - both active and passive, in intensity - mild and deep, heavy.

normal, non-pathological jealousy reactions differ adequacy situation clear to many people, accountable to the subject, often it can control them.Morbid jealousy has the opposite characteristics.

In each case may predominate jealous cognitive affective or behavioral reactions, and combinations thereof.

Cognitive reactions are expressed in an effort to analyze the fact of change, seek the cause, look for the culprit (n (s) he -sopernik), to build a forecast of the situation, to trace the background, ie. E. Create a picture of the event.In severe cases, personal history is transferred to the general plan, acquires homegrown theories about the manners, the historical roots of infidelity, male and female psychology, and so on. N. Cognitive reactions are more pronounced in individuals asthenic warehouse intellectuals.

Affective reactions expressed in the emotional experience of betrayal.The most typical emotions - frustration, fear, anger, hatred and contempt for himself and partner, feelings of inadequacy, love and hope.Depending on the type of affective personality reactions occur on the background or melancholic depression angry agitation.The prevalence of affective reactions observed in the artistic persons hysteroid, emotionally labile warehouse.

behavioral reactions appear in the form of struggle or otkaza.The struggle is expressed in attempts to restore relations (explanations), keep a partner (requests, entreaties, threats, pressure, blackmail), eliminate the opponent, make it difficult to meet him, to draw attention to itself (evoking pity, sympathy, sometimes flirting).In case of refusal to restore relations with the partner connection is dropped or acquires the character of a distant, formal.

The counseling process is necessary to identify repertyap jealousy reactions, as are correct - the destruction of the client script.

Style experiences jealousy reactions are divided into active and passive.When active reactions characteristic of stenichnyh and extraverted personality, the subject is looking for the right information, to openly express their feelings, seeking to recover a partner - is competing with a rival.When passive reactions adynamic and intravertirovannyh person not taking consecutive attempts to influence attitudes, jealousy reactions take place at the domestic level.In these cases it is important to induce an active person acting out of the problem with which he is faced, and its realization.

This characteristic zeal as its intensity (depth and length) depends on a number of circumstances.Firstly, it is possible to note the influence of the nature of the relationship with the partner.If cheating occurs on a background of heavy and conflicting relations, subjectively it is perceived as a natural consequence.Acute and profound reactions of jealousy are also the result of the complete surprise of betrayal, surprise against the background of successful marriage.The experience of betrayal depends on how often encountered similar situations in the experience of the subject: a person hard to survive betrayal, for the first time it faced.Betrayal hurts painfully trusting and loyal man whom she does not fit the pattern of morality relations.Jealousy becomes protracted, if the situation is not allowed, a partner behaves inconsistently, without giving specific solutions.For some people it is very important repentance partner frank explanation.If the changes become known to third persons concerned and they interfere with the course of events, this complicates and deepens the situation, making it not interpersonal, but socio-psychological phenomenon.

However, most reactions to infidelity depend on the warehouse of the person jealous.Since jealousy reactions are based on the love of the partner, and the fear of losing it, they depend on the power of love and the depths of fear.Especially great influence undifferentiated fear that the loss of a partner is perceived as a violation of all life, even those of its areas, which do not depend on a partner.Strengthening jealousy reactions characterized by the following personality features:

1) inert mental processes that impede comprehension, acting out and act in a given situation;

2) an idealistic attitude, especially in the area of ​​interpersonal relationships in which the individual does not allow for any compromises in the love life;

3) expressed proprietary attitude to things and persons;in this case a betrayal not only undermines the relationship with the partner, but threatens the permanence and stability of the material world, undermines the desire to possess;

4) inflated or low self-esteem.Betrayal always hurts self-esteem of the individual.With high self-esteem is observed despotic version experiences jealousy when low - a person stung by their own inferiority;

5) loneliness, poverty of interpersonal relationships in which the partner's nobody to replace;

6) the sensitivity of the person to all sorts of betrayals in other partnerships;

7) heavy dependence on a partner in achieving any meaningful life goals (career, financial security and so forth.)

Therapy jealousy complex, as it is deeply personal reaction caused by the collapse of the important pillars of human life.Selecting the direction and methods of therapy depends on the type of person jealous, jealousy repertoire of reactions and outcome of treason.Treason as the situation can be resolved by reduction partnerships, lead to its collapse, and may remain unresolved.The experience of jealousy, infidelity is not necessarily adequate outcome, it may be an independent phenomenon.So, in our practice there is a case of re-inextinguishable zeal shares for treason 35 years ago.Easier flows therapy allowed infidelity situations - restoration or decay partnership.In the decay of partnership therapy should be directed at building a new way of life and overcoming grief.When restoring the partnership an important task - eradication jealous reactions.

In normal cases, the behavior of customers found the following ways to overcome jealousy:

1) diversion to something meaningful for the individual (education, child care, work, hobbies);

2) eradication, development of a new look at things, the formation of moral forgiveness, conscious control over the reactions of jealousy;

3) lessons learned, find their own mistakes, building a new relationship with a partner - perhaps a different type of relationship;

4) depreciation of the partner and the situation of betrayal - the comparison of them in a number of other values, of attitudes;

5) in the case of the collapse of the partnership - the search for a new partner, a lifestyle change, the formation of other interpersonal relationships.

In the case of abnormal or excessive reaction becomes chronic jealousy, infidelity situation is not allowed, the spouses can not remove their conflict, to get rid of treason.There is high probability of serious violations of the marriage, the perversion of marital feelings, neuroticism and psihopatizatsii personality.

In our work we use the following scheme for counseling adultery:

1. Formation picture infidelity.In the picture of treason superemennymi are rival (real or imaginary), jealous type (normal or pathological reaction), the type of behavior jealous (active or passive), the prevailing jealousy response (cognitive, affective, behavioral), the intensity of the reactions (moderate or severe)outcomes of treason (recovery partnership, its destruction or unauthorized).

2. Study of personality characteristics of participants in the situation of infidelity, especially jealous.

3. Choice of therapy.In our practice we use only individual techniques, but it can be assumed that the group therapies may also be helpful.