Family and marriage and family relations

great connoisseur of human psychology and relationships people A. Morua very aptly and vividly expressed the complexity of interpersonal relations of spouses: the two have grown closer ship swaying on the waves, the side of their face and creaking.Indeed, to achieve harmony in marriage is not easy.The most crucial period in the life of the spouses can rightly be considered the start, when the couple faced with the first not love, intimate and pleasant problems, and family household.Period of lapping characters, views on life, family life - a very difficult stage in the relationship, which causes the ups and downs of moods young.Saturated most contradictory feelings, that moment of marriage is often remembered for a lifetime, and reflected on the future fate of the family.Each of the partners not only opens up the world of the other, but he finds himself in something not previously noticed.

known that the basis of the relationship of love is the feeling of love - the highest degree of positive emotiona

l relationship of man to man.Known as an exceptional selectivity in choosing a partner in a loving relationship, often leading to the singularity, or even the absence of this kind of relationship in the life of the individual.However, no criteria for choosing a partner or patterns feelings of love or maintenance of loving relationships have not yet received proper scientific illumination.

intensity relations of love, their depth is explained by total involvement of partners in these relationships.Since they normally connect the two opposite-sex partners, then they observed the maximum, comprehensive human contact with the person, not only psychological but also physical.

There is reason to assume that a love act as filling personality, individuality additions to its perfect integrity.fill function makes love relationship is fundamentally different from all kinds of interpersonal relationships.All other relationships contribute to the development and functioning of individual aspects of personality.In love relationships Personality, individuality, uniqueness partners not only receives a confirmation, but subsequent withdrawals, ta.k that partners through dissimilarity can discover the universality of human nature.

manifestation of the love relationship can be regarded as care, responsibility, sacrifice, selfless commitment, loyalty partner.If the relationship of love - this is the perfect type of relationship sought by people, intermediate forms can be considered a relationship of love and loving relationship.Love as a special relationship characterized by short duration and easy transition to other relationships:.. Friendship, married, etc. Love relationships are built as a form of emotional and sexual satisfaction of the needs of partners and are also able to switch to other types of relationships.

But sooner or later there is a new stage in married life.Honeymoon passed, the feelings have died down, it seems that everything is already known about each other (as many people think, but it is a mistake).Intensity of this marital crisis is different: some have more, some less.In some spouses addictive, and even indifference to each other appear after the first few years of life, while others - a few months later.This period may be even more responsible than the first, when there was the adaptation of the spouses to each other.Reasons complicating relations at this stage, a lot.One of them is that one begins to consider the other part, no longer distinguish it from the general background of living conditions.When young

met, they tried to be better, neater, nicer, more attentive and more carefully to each other.

HO here, some time after the wedding, the husband discovers that his wife is not her hair, her face covered with some sticky mask, and instead of beautiful dresses on her shabby robe, worn slippers on his feet.However, about the same can be said about husbands who have forgotten about the regular shave and a clean shirt.The husband goes out, he comes to work, and - lo and behold!- A freshness to it smelled!How heat and light on it blew!And where are these women?Slender, elegant, and, imagine, combed!This man did not even think about the fact that he just did not witness all procedures associated with the emergence of such beauty.The wife of the husband appeared on the street, will also cause admiring glances.Of course, those men for whom it just "another man's wife."What if we tried not to be at home always so "carelessly her?"

value in family life, our appearance, neatness, conscious saving of heat and trepidation first feeling really great.But there are more serious and not so obvious factors of spousal consent, which we'll talk.

special significance for family harmony, harmony is a married relationship compatibility.Compatibility - this effect communication between people, which is characterized by the greatest possible satisfaction of relationship, a sense of unity and integrity of the pair (which is expressed in the sense of similarity, likeness, sameness).For a couple communication is not only a means of solving family household produc-O issues, but also an end in itself - as "communion for the sake of dialogue."Loving man and woman is often talk about all sorts of little things, the content of the conversation is of secondary importance to them.Both are experiencing only the desire to be together, feel each other's presence.Conjugal relations are based not only on the basis of amorous feelings.For the most part purely emotional connection goes into a friendly relationship, quite naturally.Moreover, and marriages often arise on the basis of a friendship, mutual sympathy.Daylight love relationships in emotional and confessional quite natural.Moreover, if we do not take exception to the rule, it appears that emotional and confessional relations with the emotional support and spiritual closeness gives a higher percentage of solid couples.This is not, however, removed the problem of the ideal of love.But still, love - love, life and everyday problems forced down to the ground.And here unprepared for honeymooners trials lurk serious difficulties.The most disguised danger is the complete switch from emotionally-confessional relations in the form of utilitarian business, when one of the spouses is closed as a husband or wife (father or mother) and never puts soul into a relationship with a life partner.

Matrimonial relations are the result of the formalization of the relationship of love, at least normal.This is confirmed by modern statistics entry motives in marriage.Under the spouses as a form of interpersonal relationships we understand the totality of socially regulated relations between marital partners.In countries with a monogamous form of marriage in a conjugal relationship includes only two partners, male and female, and their relationships are assumed for life, although not always is the case.Conjugal relations are part of a family relationship, so as to content, functions, methods of control, they are significantly different from loving relationship.From the point of view of society, marriage function is to ensure public control over reproduction and sexual behavior.From the perspective of the individual, marriage is interpersonal relationships, able to meet the need for emotional attachment, individual sex love, the need for procreation, the organization of everyday life and leisure time, moral and emotional support.Therefore, there is reason to consider of household emotional and psychological sex parent union of a man and a woman.Moreover, the value of marriage is not that only part of its ability to meet these needs, - they can be satisfied, and out of wedlock.The value of marriage is that it organizes and stabilizes, social sanction these needs.The historical transformation of marriage, in particular, expressed as a change in emphasis on certain features of marriage.So, for the modern marriage, the most important partners of the satisfaction of psychological needs: the need for affection, love, support, emotional and sexual intercourse.

Polyfunctionality marital relationship requires a comprehensive inclusion of the individual, creates conditions for high selectivity when choosing a partner, conjugal relations gives exceptional depth and intimacy.

Uzhivaemost spouses often facilitated by compensating for inconsistencies in one area - the other, in which there is compatibility.As already mentioned, the functions of family relations somewhat.Incompatibility of household in the area (area of ​​physical comfort) can be compensated for sexual compatibility.At a young age so often happens when the couple is so suited to each other in erotic games, in the sexual act, that there is a strong "loop" on the importance of this particular sphere of life together.Other areas are felt later, and then the possible rift in relations.The absence of children and dissatisfaction reproductive and educational functions, spiritual disconnection, household disorder can destroy a union based only on sexual compatibility.

Consciously or not, but we found two aspirations: to communicate with other people and isolation from them, regardless of the sympathy-antipathy.Communication enriches our knowledge of the world of things and phenomena, about other people, about ourselves.It gives a discharge emotional tension and charges the spiritual energy.Finally, the communication updates the inner world, contributing to its realization, said the idea of ​​himself.In conversation people assert themselves yourself, your position in life, view of the world.It shall inform the other charges the senses.Since communication - mutual process of sharing thoughts and feelings, and emotions flow of information requires mutual activity .People.Form a set subject and the total fund of thought and feeling, which binds the partners in dialogue, giving each the same time presenting the rights and duties.

No matter how great the need for communication, sooner or later it is satisfied.In dialogue we are drying up as a source of information and feelings.Someone a little earlier will lose interest in the other, depending on the conditions, the depth of communication, degree of disclosure of the inner world of each other.And even with a significant spiritual wealth comes the limit required for the separation of a sort of "feeding" the thoughts and feelings.And it's not necessarily all separation and all.Communication continues, but with other people.Our identity and uniqueness - a source of innovation communication.Monotony, fame thoughts and feelings make communication uninteresting and boring spouses possession.

often in lectures and consultations are asking: "Why, when we were not familiar with the husband (wife), we were interested in each other?Why then got bored "The answer usually sounds the question?" How much time do you spend together, engaged in self-education, whether you go to the theater, cinema "And it turns out that quite a bit.A relationship can be interesting if there is a subject for dialogue: the events of life or art, when everyone is keen to learn something new and make communion.We often hear: "Seized life, everyday bustle of everyday worries;no time for something serious to think and to speak plainly. "In all this, blame only ourselves and no one else.It is banal to say that the variety, which is the world.Must be able to see, hear and talk about it.And that means we have to work on themselves, their own development."The paradox of intimacy" is what we often seek to reduce the distance in a relationship for a better understanding, warmth, so necessary in your personal life.However, the proximity can significantly complicate relationship and even destroy them.In a relationship deeper understanding of the inner world of each other, its hidden corners, which hides what we ourselves do not always give a full report.Why secret easier to tell a stranger fellow traveler on the road?Yes, because there are mysteries guarantee the absence of consequences.

Here, in particular, why the marital relationship as & lt;sheath.They each partner is presented in different situations and the finds are not only strong, but also weaknesses.Especially if you work outside the home requires a lot of stress and spouse, of course, seek repose, not ashamed to discover their weaknesses.

Married, family relationships - not a frozen river without movement.The couple grow, dominated professions, changing their position in the workplace and in society, changing economic family possibilities, and so on. D., And so on. N. And every time those or other "twists of fate" there are new challenges that need to be solved jointly.

often lectures asked the following question: "And what is necessary for optimum compatibility?" There are no universal recipes for all occasions, especially since there are so many on the path of life.Rather, we should talk about contraindications, obviously complicating relations.And then, the "sum" variable is extremely large and varied "specific weight" of each of the factors that will facilitate or complicate life together.More than half of all cases encountered The researchers and practitioners associated with a "lack of understanding".This is indicated when the couple divorce, the same reason explains the conflicts in the workplace.Let us remember what is our response to a replica of the communication partner, when he says:

«? I do not understand what you say," And if it repeatedly?And, God forbid, all the time, in any communication?Strange situation?For what it may lead - it is not difficult to imagine, of course, to the antipathy.For compatibility and harmony of people understanding it is of great importance.This kind of "harmony," "smart unison", as one musician said.Understanding involves not only the correct perception of the person as a partner, its queries, values, habits, but also the ability to forecast the behavior, opinions, estimates.Of course, if a person is, as the saying goes, read a book, the interest in it fades away.But the reliability of our relations is preferred a certain level of understanding.Warranty relations - a kind of element of their strength.

at Leningrad television studio shot once the transfer of the young.Editor and director decided to demonstrate the effect of psychological counseling.The psychologist conducted tests of character newlyweds properties and then briefed them on the results.At the time of testing the young man very reluctantly filled out the questionnaire, referring to the fact that parents will understand them if need be.After some time spent consulting with him and he "gave a whole tirade": "Wow, I did not think that Ira very different character.I've known her longer than you.You just questionnaire, and told you a lot more different things about her than I've seen before.Maybe because it was looking at her with adoring eyes.Or in the questionnaire given to such a situation, to check that it takes years of living together.One to two hours, and so much knowledge about each other.And we will live together, not one day. "

In order to facilitate the understanding and the subsequent "grinding characters", psychologists have developed special methods play active communication for honeymooners, experiencing difficulties in the relationship.Difficulties may arise for any reason, in the first year - mostly regarding housekeeping.The proposed theme for the five pairs of newlyweds first year of marriage.Here, the "actors" (one pair) and the audience, four other couples are constantly changing.

One reason couples quarrel this: "What is and what you spent the same amount of money" Pare offered paper and pencil."Respondent" is called so conventionally young woman writing on paper, that the money spent.Then, the initiator of the conflict offer to write, what to spend money.

main thing in this situation - without emotion all sort through, as a result find an overview of the family economy.At the first meeting with a psychologist in all pairs reigned "a solid mess."The discussion involved all, it lasted 3.5 hours.At the next meeting of the newlyweds came happy that deal with this issue.And vice versa.