What the state can do to save the family
We figured that doing a man and woman who are in purgatory called "divorce".But the State, if it is indeed as declares an interest in "strengthening" of the family, koechto can do.
State in its laws and regulations should strive to create checks and balances in which neither parent will not have an unfair advantage.And then every parent should BE WITH CONTRADICTIONS to negotiate with the other parent.
It is this delicate subtleties and efforts should be devoted.Legislators need to hire nauchnoisgtedovatelskie laboratories, which would be studied and explained
objective psychological patterns.This laboratory, I think his free work for many years laboratory.Perhaps my recommendations contained certain errors.I'm not the ultimate truth, I am not a magician, I'm just learning.But here are my thoughts.Let's discuss them and improve.And then reject (but after a serious multilateral debate).
main question that should solve the state - is the question of whom the child lives.For vanity (yes, this is just va
I already wrote above, that, contrary to law and established practice thanks to the child when the parents divorce is almost always the mother.The law says that in case of divorce, both parents have equal rights and equal responsibilities for the maintenance and education of the child.In practice, the child actually always lives with her mother, and it defines almost everything in the relationship of divorced parents.By law alimony pays noncustodial parent a parent living with the child.With very few exceptions, the father pays child support the mother.The right to contact with the child's father provides voluntarily mother.Or Inspector of custody and guardianship of the district (municipal) department of education.Inspector - it's almost always a woman.She puts herself in the place of the mother;as they say psychologists, identifies himself with his mother.And so the inspector wrote, "the decision on the appointment procedure of communication" with the child.Usually - once or twice a week.Typically, half an hour, for an hour.Usually in kindergarten or school.Typically, under supervision.Needless to say, all this is regarded as the humiliation of dad.He pobetsyapobetsya and give up claims to her child.
It turns out that his father was almost entirely deprived of rights.But he, in essence, is exempt from duties and, except for one - to pay child support.And it should be the responsibility and should have the right to represent the interests of the child in school, copper
care workers, led by the child in institutions of further education, to go with him to the theater ...
Many divorced fathers only pay alimony and are considering themselves freefrom the other parent hassle.But the child needs not only food, but in education.Beznadzorkost - the result of irresponsibility, including fathers.But this neglect actually authorizes state.
legislator should think about STIs increase the birth rate.(Rossiya.- not China.) And then what happens ... The first rabbi knock - the fruit of love, and not very long reflection.In the ecstasy of wavy hair nashampunennyh wife young husband wants to continue and deepen the love of his wife and finds it is in a child.But, having experience with the first child, twenty-three-year muzhotets realized that his wife is not considered with its rhodium.sumer ambitions.And beware of the birth of the second and third child.
Everything is interconnected.From this, in turn, affected the upbringing of the child is already born.First, the one-child families in conditions usually around the child lisping excessive atmosphere, and the child becomes self-centered and selfish.Second, zhenamat feels a special significance, and in the eyes of a young child commanding father, paternal authority is reduced as a result.I saw after married "kuhnede baht" in the family of our friends of their five-year baby zamahnu] to familiarize whisk father.
Raising the more difficult divorce.Here the rabbi: nok generally deprived of the male influence.After all, my mother most of all marriage will not work.And if it comes out, it will protect your rebenkg from parental encroachments new husband (despite the fact that his father will try to spite Blood to a child called new husband dad).
mother, too, in the end, suffer.
What can and what should be done?
It is necessary that the courts were deciding fiftififti.In half the cases the error on the desires of parents with whom the rabbi.knock, it is necessary to solve the problem so that the "first" was the parent.the father, the other half - the mother.In any case needs re cial access to the child to the other parent.
But it is important not only to the decision of the court, the child with whom they live.It shall be ensured equal rights and responsibilities of parents and grandparents on both sides.And this equality should be guaranteed, not just declared.
What inequality now?And what should be equal?It also chemto measured.I believe that it should be measured by equal time to communicate with the child, guaranteed to each parent.Time communication Ithor without the presence of a parent.If none of them struck parental rights.
communication time can be distributed so that the uniformity was observed not six months from the mother and half from the father.And so, let the child was on weekdays from one and on weekends - at the other.One part of the holiday - one, another part of the holiday - with another.There are, of course, variants.What if the parents in different cities?For
.equal time should keep the bailiffs and inspectors from the education authorities.
All this, of course, difficult, but no more difficult the position, what happened today.
judges will work more, you need more judges specializing in these matters.But it is another question.It will be resolved when the normal order will be put in the economy.That is faster and point it to the main issues were civil matters.
psychological significance of such judgments would be serious.If the mother does not leave unchallenged opportunity for a child, it will have when deciding on divorce to reckon with.And her determination in the sense of the divorce will not be as indisputable.The couple will have to negotiate.And turn to psychologists for advice.Again, four-tenths of divorces initiated by young wives - though lived one-seventh of marriage.For triangle "muzhzhenarebenok" overall it is still optimal.I foresee zhenschinmam discontent ... But there are grandmother from the popes.And they are women.So we are talking not only about the protection of men.
a couple of years, poizuchat, including problem and thanks to letters, I typed in the same "Literaturnaya Gazeta" article "The leader begins ... and loses."Up to now I keep her home in the frame.
But things still there.If, however, someone will think that this is only suffering in Russia, and there is also no.In the US, all the same.This has been a long-standing American film
«Kramer vs. Kramer."In France, as it turned out, too, all the same.So this is a problem common to all mankind, international.
After the article "Mom and Dad were divorced," began my active cooperation with the TV.Flirt: active from television.I was invited transfer "Parent's Day Saturday," "young Addresses", "World and Youth", "look", "Subject" ... I spoke to them in as a chairperson, - the expert.In this series, recently I took the program "Family" at the time.According to the director, and I interviewed people on the street, and they sat in their chairs cabinet officials.He asked;what they think about the problems of divorced parents.We filmed and interview with one damoysudey - professional on semeynm squabbles.So, "Listen here," as they say in Odessa: it was a lady of the court of one of the central districts of Moscow, rather than, say, or Fryazin Fryazevo.And "Listen here," she told me ...
- When divorced a child is given to the mother's education ...
judge, divorce expert, and said so emphatically that grossly contrary to the law, which proclaims the equality of rights and dutiesparents.Here's how the process went deep.It turns out that the recorded still need to be interpreted correctly.
But even if correctly interpreted the law and the right decision in a spirit of equality of parental rights and responsibilities, we must also ensure implementation.This is a new problem.Which should be solved.Because desperate fathers with psychopathic traits did not come up with anything better than to steal the baby.And then we need to feel sorry for her mother.One such mother I had to be treated by hypnosis - it is six years could not see his child.A father something lied to her daughter, left her in a provincial town, was prescribed and her daughter in a hostel (the documents were in order: the child is entered in the passport, the father entered on the birth certificate), I worked to contain the child, drove to school, even in music.And "listen up" - it is certainly the mother sought her child, her court appointed a decree on the procedure of communication.The letter of the law was in fact observed.The law says that a child living with a parent must pay child support separately living parent.But my father did not claim alimony, he just presented all the evidence that he was a "good" father.Awful is all
When divorce is broken - just do not be afraid of the term - the complementarity of parental roles.This word refers to the complementarity (from the word "complex" rather than the word "Gift".) Then we will have discussions on this topic in more detail.And now it is important to recognize that violations of complementary ™ may occur even if the relationship is more or less stable.
Extreme feminists it will bow at his feet.
But what looks IV Grebennikov were grounds for such a monstrous chapter titles ... How much time a child sees the father?Father goes away when the baby is still asleep.And coming home when the child was asleep.Well, or have breakfast together, and only ... In subbotuvoskresene father he slept.And if it is awake at this time in this crazy world, it keeps the child only on the periphery of the eye and on the periphery of consciousness.After all, he continues to engage in the production issues at home: takes the right people to work on the phone.Justifies: "I provide a standard of living - which to me still want to ..?»
It - HIDDEN Fatherless.But everywhere it is.It is all this hidden Fatherless.
Let us ask tricky questions, and why it's all so ... Question and really tricky;it just seems that simple ... They say that in these difficult times it is necessary to strain to be a family.That straining family, what else.
poglubzhepoglubzhe But ... I conducted a survey, and you check, run it again and again and again.Lecturing, .I asked women how many purchased items that hang in the wardrobe, in the family is not worn.How many dishes can be acquired would not buy.And so on. N. The answers were shortchanged, derived average figures and percentages.It turned out that 29% of the purchased is not used.I will not lie: it is - 29 ... Up to one third are not enough 4.3%.But all agree that - almost a third.Do not agree - well, let just 29%.This is the extra "half-time", to use Soviet terminology.And you will agree that the time to earn the money - also almost a third.And now a thought experiment.We give up 29% of belongings.
Result: the father is more than 29% of the time at home and 29% more than he can give the child his paternity.But if, of course, listen to everyone there, "L'Oreal.Paris, because I deserve it, do not you, "then what will happen?And is that not enough 29% of additional revenue inherited your husband.Not enough for even 29% of additional revenue potential murderers who did not your husband, because he grabbed your friend, if not a stranger.
So, oddly enough, the alienation of the father of the child, his father's lack of heat dictated by cold aestheticism mother.She wants to dress better and better suit their child, and perhaps even the Pope.Well, what is more important?Clothes is not for the cold ... or the warmth of his father's hands?If it raised the question, then it is unlikely any living creature will answer that, say, odezhka important.But in practice all behave more importantly get clothes.
But the father has in the clinic with the child go and visit museums and take in the music school.Instead, Fathers often do grandparents.This is also a distortion.In addition - please, but as a replacement - no.
result is hidden fatherless - neglect.But even if the child is not left alone, left to itself, it is necessary and just pochelovecheski mom change.Release to visit a friend.Let chat with friends.Gossip - this is an important requirement.Free communication.His absence depressing and causes stress.It is necessary that motherhood is not turning into a prison.
the third repeat (or fifth): Father's hands, and his voice, the child must feel when he is still in the mother's abdomen.
So that there are no hidden fatherless, it is necessary to reduce excess costs.The roots of the hidden fatherless - a woman, his wife.Yes, and here - look for women.
Well, what do we have, I hope, convinced that it is necessary to establish a de facto equality between parents.That is equivalent to, but not formal.Mother breastfeeding and spoon.Pope makes his food.Mom protects from loved ones and the small, but often dangerous.Pope - from the more distant, less frequent but larger.That is the role of parents are mutually complementary.In addition there is complementarity,
course, some interchangeability.The father can feed with a spoon and ward off the dog.A mother at the event and earn more, and, if necessary, "to enter a burning house."Yet it is clear that this interchangeability - to a limited extent.Here it is certainly the father feeds only with a spoon, but not the breast.So mom can defend our homeland and the child as a sniper ... but not as a paratrooper.At home my mother did that to protect from chicken or other wayward mother.But from the terrorists - Dad.So,