«residence" Setting configured as often?Women - homemaker, men - drinkers and revelers.Even if she is cheating on him, only "because it hurts her."Indeed, drunkards among men than among women.But we have already clarified that fact and moral geniuses anymore.The men all alike.More talents in science and more oligophrenics (than women).More and more shorties lanky.More and more very bad very good.I'm talking about all of this, when analyzed the causes of the most active women in divorce.Remember the argument: "I'm no worse than a girlfriend, and my husband is worse than her husband?"But what else follows from the concept of Vigen Geodakyan?Conspicuous drunkards, and on them - because the sample - concludes all kind of men: the average man worse than the average woman.A more complex pattern (males generally more extreme) not taken into account, and it is not known in wider circles.Geodakyan after discussing his theory is not in the newspapers and in scientific journals.So that public opinion at home and in
field - not in favor of the young men.And just that - to this view, you can appeal.
That, and it's the power of leverage, even small, but in the hands of his wife., thought of a young husband to come to his superiors about the family conflict ... Colleagues have laughed at him.Another thing, if it comes to work for him.Of course, this is no time hruschevskobrezhnevskogo stagnation, but today his wife soon finds understanding and support.Smoke without fire - believed to colleagues.Rukovoditelzhenschina support the young wife of female solidarity.Rukovoditelmuzhchina support young wife in spite of male solidarity, because of rivalry;Although the motives are not recognized even by himself.And the motives of such.Now I will render her service, I will avenge her, and then we will be familiar with it, they divorced, and she will lead me the novel.And in relation to the young husband, the chief trigger "parent" trend - to punish.The young husband is promoted, any comma can become a point along the way.So that the young husband is afraid of complaints about his work on the part of the wife.
In domovedenii husband ignorant.In some degree this is to his advantage.Instead of housework to do interesting things for him male.And he does not resist such a situation.But proigryshto is proving much more.Wife domovedenii competent, but he did not.So, it is credit manager.He gave her money, and she told him outstanding.On edutransport.On pokupkihimchistku.It is in the house of the employer.And I gave rabotu- need to monitor its performance.She serves as the OTC (Quality Control Department).It is home prosecutor and the judge.It is home bailiff - for negligence must be punished whip, of course, impossible.But you can growl ... Or silence.
- What is heavier?Chorus:
- Silence ... Socrates:
Here I have to give his psychological explanation.Well what a grunt?This means that his wife, though difficult,
but still near here, will not get it - and the rest grumble.So it is understandable why the choir unanimous.And the silence - it's a conspiracy, the gap, albeit partially, the forerunner of a complete break.
All this - POWER attributes.A well-known: all power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely ...
Was once I published in the "Evening Moscow" small, but under the catchy headline article "Kitchen - business men", aimed at protecting obschemto in congested household chores wives.And I got a great post, which was the leitmotif: "Oh, no, we will not give their husbands the kitchen."So, moaning against overloads (but it - another reason to make him feel his importance and reproach), the wife does not want to give him the lead in the domovedenii.After all, the power of the house actually means the power in the house.Let him she "helps", ie perform unskilled jobs.Under her petty and meticulous management.
My wife is another powerful lever of power.I already wrote about the best psychotechnics communication among young women compared to their younger husbands also.There we noted its importance for reducing stress and loneliness to find a replacement in case of rupture.But the left-overs that matter directly to the spousal communion.That's interesting.After all, with such an advantage, as the more developed psycho communication, she had, quite simply, the negotiations.Besides, men more stressful profession.And besides, it is necessary for the needs of the family and burned.Home it comes from above has become.And now, imagine it to book tickets to Sochi, although he believes that to go home to rest ought to Karelia, on the lake, where the fires, fish, mushrooms, little people, not in Sochi, where crowded, dirty and expensive.Less able to communicate, but there is also tired, sluggish, he said - one word every two seconds.And it is three words in the second part of tangible and long sentences: "I tell you, that all the people go to Sochi.Are they stupid than you?They're not stupid you, and go to Sochi "- the roughly two dozen words she utters in 5 seconds, it also takes only a half and ... inferior.
The same applies to young men and hypersexuality.It should take into account not only the situation in the gap, which I interpreted as explaining why young men tend to save a marriage.Indeed, in the framework of marriage directly due to increased sexual activity young husband depends less sexually active wife.Her sexuality is awakened only and reach a peak after thirty years her.Of course, any disobedience cause her husband's negative emotions.Sex, she is not wanted.And proximity would not allow.What I have just described - a natural, so to speak, with the express regulation of the wife lbdo.But some wives are less dependent on their husbands due to less pronounced inclination.And maybe even due to constitutional frigidity (cold-old - and that's it).These just weaned her husband from the conjugal bed for any fault.In my clinical practice, and has been such a case - the wife said to her husband: "garbage not taken out - sexual intercourse will not."
laughter - laughter, but in reality it is a very strong lever power woman.So he Goat jumping around her and - blessed.
turns out that the coercive arm the young wife to a young husband a lot.No one taught her to use these levers.She feels them skillfully.The woman - the talent in the world of relationships and communication.She refined experiments.She practices the trial breaks with increasing tension.First grumbling - the first degree.Then silence.We have already talked about that terrible silence grumbling.But it did not help and then ... silence - in the course of embarking care of the house for a couple of hours.It does not acted and it is - is practiced more powerful "zoom" - briefly move in with relatives or friends with a demonstration of provable (note the subtlety of such manipulative) fidelity to her husband in case if the divorce is still not take place.And it did not work?Then, perhaps, it will affect the announcement of a temporary break, and then a complete break, and then divorce?So she probes him.If there is no assignment at a lower intensity, longer included.
Often wife seeks deliberately to cause jealousy.It demonstrates interest in it other men.Speaking about the possibility and permissibility of treason and replacement.Sometimes it comes to the actual demonstration of adultery with her husband.This refers not treason, dictated by a new love, and betrayal is a means of coercion.Again, that cheating wife gives young husband suffering that is a blow to his self-esteem, which is a shame when publicity that jealousy in men over Glu
binnaya.Remember to experiment with monkeys?He dies of a heart attack;She suffered, but did not die.Men re treason.are heavier than females.So the threat of betrayal m very unpleasant, serious beating to the ego lever of power in the hands of women.And lost to, I listen - the relationship restored.
Do not think that his wife runs regularly on the work of her husband's complaints, suits sexy strikes and constantly shows the husband how he has no rights to the child.All this - in the midtones, hints.This means, it is understood.In psychology, this latent psychological impact for the benefit of themselves and to the detriment of the partner is called manipulation.This is a form subektobektnogo towards people when the other is considered, consciously or unconsciously, not me as an equal entity, equal to me as a person, and is reduced to the level of the object (the object).
In this case, the husband is the object of manipulation.
«Oh, so you do not want to go to Sochi?Well, fine, "- said his wife and stopped.He, too, was silent - and what do you do?And she takes the phone, and he sits in a chair.She dials the number, and he takes the book.But if he read?The letters jump before our eyes, and the book upside down, he's picked it up only in order to show how he is calm, without thinking about what she sees very well as a book, trembling in his hands, gives his inner excitement.And he can not concentrate on reading, because listening to the conversation.Who is she? .. Maybe, will name?Nnet, it does not mention the name, even if he will suffer at a loss, betrayal, or it has not.It carefully avoids even a verb in the past tense endings, where he was waiting for because it is clear: "do" - means there is "ON", "done" - then "she".The conversation is over, after 5 minutes, it will be met at the door, who - for it is not clear whether an old friend, or a longtime friend.And now she is preparing for a date.Perhaps, my friend, but ... How is it done?That wife heels tapped to - touch up, that's heels tapped back - straightened hair, approached (heels) to the hanger - rustled cloak passed (heels) to another room - take a bag, went to the door (heels), stopped - to reflect, not forgottenif anything, it is certainly forgotten (heels), I took (heels), stopped at the door, quietly snapped a lock bags, loudly clicked the door lock, opening the door ... All His nerves can not stand, and he throws the book:
- Wellwell, well, go to the south, how do you want God to her with Karelia and with lakes, go to Sochi
and it is not instantaneous, but tempers his wrath:
- well, at once so as the north... removes his cloak, rings:
- Cach, well, you excuse me, another time, okay?Here Sergei reconciled with me, she know, reconciliation must be rough ...
- Well, come here, you stupid ...
«fool» - this weasel, and humiliation.Thus, only half-tones, hints of probability.But even the slightest fear that it will use the levers of power, forcing him to retreat and concede.Some men defend themselves with the thought: "It's all the little things: south, north, shopping ... Above all, when it comes to serious things, she will be obedient."
But because life is basically not from earthquakes and fires, where the wife is more willing to obey than to command.Fortunately, such catastrophes are rare.Life consists of small things everyday and secondary in importance problems: buy a TV or a trailer, go to the north or south ... and he has often to obey than to command.
main way of ruling female - manipulation.However, sometimes the wife and directly recalls the presence of her serious arguments do not want you with me to the south, there are other satellites.It happens too.
After all this my subtle reasoning feel like because of sinus removed heavy stone:
«Yes, there is no need to manipulate men -" the power is, it is necessary not mind. "
Well, the backward sections of the population of cases of violence against women take place.But these are the exceptions that prove the rule.Normal socialized man restrains his aggression primarily for moral reasons: condemned friends, self-esteem will decrease (down to the point that hit a woman).Clearly, not the last role played by the fear of legal retribution for intemperance.As much as he condemned her, he was afraid of a court judgment, which, of course, he will break all his life, career."And because of whom, because of
silly woman?" - He thinks the "smart" guy.I put quotation marks because the reciprocal rudeness - not of the same mind.Keep ... Well, does not keep, hit ... I do not kill him, just beat.And she has won many levers of power against this one, which blocked all of this aggregate.Besides his own misconduct can turn into a trump card in her hands.I will not put you, although I can, but be obedient.And he is downcast, like naughty dog, carries a muzzle on the floor, afraid to raise his eyes and trying to please her.
coercive levers - in the hands of his young wife.But they can not use?Can.But the temptation was too great."If we are in the hands of the rein ..." - Mayakovsky."Respect, respect the authorities have to ...» * • Mayakovsky.This is the "suck-up" from a poem.Well, so, by the way, to remember.And if the scientific Yazi.com, then, having levers of coercion, the wife of impunity applies authoritarian style influence, "So, we go, get ready»
Well, not always the case kategorichnobezapellyatsionno and sharply;practiced myagkosniskhoditelny komandnoadministrativny tone: "cat, we do not take off your clothes, it is necessary to go for bread."
wife can afford not only in private but also in public and the negative assessment of the accusations against him.And even ridicule her husband, sometimes even in public.
Only very humane, well versed in humane same psycho-communication and have more self-discipline his wife do not use in case of disagreement with their husband's conflict style of communication with him, and do not use coercive means.If there are irreconcilable differences in the interests, in such pairs issues are fifty-fifty.That is just to the south going to rest - just to the north, just watch TV - just go to the movies, just buy a carpet - time plane (just can not buy koversamolet).
husband appreciates that attitude to his wife, and by comparing their situation with that of most of his colleagues, experiencing happiness.But that's a rarity that has been described today.This style of relationship arose after our trainings psychotechnics communication.But in other places that do not teach.And by learn - learn from someone that?- It is possible, but difficult.The school is also psycho-communication is not involved, although it must be exactly in this school and do.
But if the wife is not very humane, if it does not possess the same psycho-humane communication, self-discipline if she is not so great?Then my husband and I was going next.
He sees the contrast between the leadership position in the service sector and subordinate position in the family and stung him.
He tries to get away from household chores.This cause and overload at work.But much more is going on because it weighs just unskilled domestic labor and arbitrary wife.
He prefers to be a breadwinner.Nahvatyvaet extra work to earn her approval.But this, in turn, contributes to fatigue and waste from household chores.Again increases the value and the power in the house was his wife.
This poverhnostnopsihozaschitnoe behavior.Unpleasant experiences are reduced, but not eliminated the cause, which reproduces the situation that causes tensions.It is possible and in general, in this case, compared with psychic protection unreliable wound covering film, under which there is an acute or chronic inflammation.
Psihozaschitnaya nature manifested in the fact that he goes to his working angle to perform "homework" on the service line, a hobby, in television, in sports.Of special note is avtolyubitelstvo.The machine gives him a sense of importance in the house, because the machine - a continuation of the house, and here the wife is not very competent.But this man advantage ends.On the roads, I see more women behind the wheel.
What we have just described, can be figuratively called inner emigration.That is, it is in the house - and at the same time outside the home relationship.So far, it's not that dramatic, but the tension grows.Gradually internal emigration develops in the outer.So he went to the neighbor spill chess, that went to the sauna to warm up with the men, that came off to go fishing, and even hunting.But playing chess with a neighbor on the porch, and "resting" in the sauna, and watching "bite - do not bite," he is trying all means to preserve the family and keep it in the world.Let the price of their own self-esteem.
In dialogue he tries not to hurt his wife first, and in response to its conflict behavior is trying to keep a low profile,
not show your valid from his point of view, irritation.This, however, alternating with bursts of anger, which usually occurs after the disappointment, and he again becomes submissive.
There are also less complaisant man.