Man appreciates marriage married .

And now let us look at the psychological problems associated with the process of divorce.

Divorce is a little death


- People get divorced right away: solved - and divorced?Or go out, then converge, then diverge again, then come together again - and eventually diverge and divorce?


- Of course, the second option.


- A first meet?Chorus:

- is extremely rare.As an exception.

Well, this drudgery - razoydutsyasoydutsyarazoydutsyasoydutsya - often continues for a long time.What caused it?There already I do not hesitate to ask for the people's chorus of voices., I explain everything myself, as I understand.And let the reader agrees or corrects my interpretation specialist.

When the accumulated negative experiences to positive and when we are already used (see the illusion of mutual evaluation.) - Negative partner in us begins to irritate.From him I want to be free.There is an internal conflict "priblizhenieizbeganie" by Kurt Lewin, the same one who went from Hitler SShAd

o big war.Let me explain.Levin singled out three types of intrapersonal conflicts.The most tricky, we have already called "priblizhenieizbeganie".I want to enjoy the beauty of his wife, but did not want to tolerate her whims.There

conflict "priblizheniepriblizhenie": want to go to a movie and want to dine."Izbeganieizbeganie": I want to avoid accusations that ate the cake, and I want to avoid hunger ...

So this is the tricky internal conflict "priblizhenieizbeganie" is our theme very close relationship.And even an example to explain - I want beauty, but are tired of whims - we led straight on.Further events are also known: the beauty was used, and all the vagaries of time terrorize, negative impressions of them accumulate.Similar experiences of his wife: I want his status and earnings, but utterly bored by the carping that go unkempt.Negative impressions opyattaki accumulate and going wild, and there comes indifference to the pluses.And then both mature decision - to disperse.

dispersed.Break.According to the laws of repression, open Sigmund Freud, negative impressions are forgotten.I recall and remember the positive.Such events are called intrapersonal mental protection.The psyche is protected from unpleasant experiences.A replacement of the spouse to the other, better not.And the reverse process - must come together ...

converged again climb into minuses eyes.It is necessary to disperse ...

Yes, really looks like a pendulum went - converged - diverged -soshlis - went - came together ...

But with the word "pendulum" there is another association.Close here within the meaning of the word "toil".They I used the word "drudgery."And she, the drudgery continues until such time as it is certainly not living creature finds a replacement.

And the other one is.But when he really is the one ... it is like death.But the death of a moment - except the notorious corridor with light at the end of the tunnel.Here loneliness that seems to last forever.Yet, since it does not go into complete oblivion, and I allowed myself the metaphor of "the little death."

According interviewing many abandoned husbands and wives I motu allocate a lot of painful experiences.

life seems broken, it seems hopeless.

lost all meaning.I do not want to do, just lie down and sleep.• Gone faith in people.After I left the one to whom I gave

everything - freedom, youth, possessions, cared about, who works for

, who gave birth to the child.

• Her gnawing problem of how to communicate with the departed husband about the children.

overcomes terrible jealousy.Before the eyes of sexual infidelity scene.

• sharply negative attitude to the former spouse (wife) and opponent (opponent) to which they have gone.

thirst for revenge.They come up with the idea as a wife and as a revenge to take revenge on his opponent.

• Plans for how to return the deceased.

How to divide the property, particularly housing.

problem replacement research.

Rethinking own behavior, self-blame.

many contradictory in these experiences.The thirst for revenge and the desire to return.The accusations and self-blame.But all experiences are built around the key events - the gap.This trauma is accompanied by tears, sadness, insomnia.Experiences may limit the scope of psychological reaction, but can go off-scale, and develop into a neurosis and even psychosis.

Later "scar" mental wounds, the man somehow comes back to life, entering into a new relationship.

By law psychic protection departed impaired.He's gone - it's bad.She's gone - it's bad.It is - if you can not return.

There is some difference between the male and female psyche.Women psychic protection straightforward: he was gone - so he gave him bad I'm young.This reproach purely manipulative.He, too, gave her his youth or maturity ... She often talks emotionally: "He went to her, though, she did another show, it serves him right."Men are more reasonable.He can say, for example: "She's gone, underestimated me, she had not arrived, but Leave Her to Heaven," God grant you to be loved. "

religious marriage indissoluble.But unless we know little of the pain with each other and with this the indissolubility of marriage.If it bears the external tablets, hoops."The Betrothed" is read as "doomed."Too bad.So people are secular, democratically-minded - of marriage, which is terminated in the circumstances.

But then their problems - have acquired common property.Well, how to share the cottage?Do not fork and spoon as - subject carve.Dachato one.So much invested in it And lawmakers come up with such a thing as a prenuptial agreement in which the key word - "divorce"."During the divorce property is divided Tacto and tact ..." Brrr ... enter into marriage, join in marriage, and do not speak about love, and how will divide the family silver in the case of divorce.It was and remains propisochnaya problem.If the spouse is a permanent resident, he has six months of residence have the right to the area.And it is clear that there will always be people willing to pretend to be loving, to register and to seize the area itself.

However, the most important thing - it is a child.

Divide fact and children ... And here that: one child - one, the other - the other .. And here ... more brrrr ... And if one child?That does brrrrrr ... Recall we have already "decided" that the stress rupture with the child, compared with a loss of marriage, a double, as it has its own blood.So, "the little death» ...

The Old Testament tells how King Solomon had his court wisely and slyly - also, of course, brrrr .. Two women contested the right of the child, which presented Solomon.Each said that it mother.Solomon sent for an ax and cut the baby in half, they say, each will get half.And the real mother abandoned her child only if he was alive, and lukavomudry and, we think, kind Solomon gave it to her.And parents, sharing one child, chop his heart and soul.Without thinking, what is it.Set the child against the other, of course, "bad" parent.