The illusion of mutual evaluation
Usually lectures in large auditoriums fingers I show the letter "" - and say:
- Here we have a pair.Say to every wedding is rotated relative to the other for its positive sides or negative?
I put questions, as taught by Socrates in his time, that is, so that the people gave me the right answer right.I do not need to conduct rigorous scientific surveys on this subject, because there was no case in which any living creature in the audience would say that, say, negative.Everyone says that positive.And like, I want him, too, for in fact, if I'm a man.like, because otherwise he would not be with me to deal with.
- Positive demonstrates - we unanimously decide, together with the audience.
And on board the curve appears.The curve demonstrating their positive qualities.She breaks up steadily.And with it accumulate positive impressions about the person.So this is - "the curve charm".
more precise, it is ■ - curve demonstrating the new partner for the positive qualities and their recognition of these new qua
- And negative is opened or hidden?- I try to find out more.
The answer is again, that I need - "hiding".And the explanation: I did want to like it, so why should I just show their negative qualities.But murder will not hide.And the curve of knowledge negative qualities in a person ( "krivayarazocharovaniya") also goes up.But she was not in a hurry, as it were creeps.
Later, these curves intersect.
again call on the help of Socrates.
- Before the wedding, people communicate mainly in problems or entertainment?
chorus of voices in unison:
- in entertainment.
- And entertainment will be opened plus or minus?
- plus, of course ...
agree: the pros show up soon.Here at the picnic, he covers his feet favorite blanket.And she replied gives him a grateful look ...
negotiate now on a formalization of the artistic dialogue.In Greek tragedy, there were two characters: "chorus" and "Luminary".They commented on what is happening, engaged in dialogue.I do not accidentally use the word "choir".I only just replaced the word "Luminary" by "Socrates" - so interesting.That is what Socrates - luminary, of course.Well Choir - he would like his location.At the same time it is a real chorus.And I'll work for Socrates.The reader will excuse me for this and do not blame to "megalomania".Convenient is not it highlight a text, and, in fact, is quite normal.
So, Socrates asks my mouth:
- But after the wedding, we no longer deal in issues or entertainment?
- the problem.
- And problems - tries to find out who lives in me, Socrates, - more opened plus or minus "
- Cons - sigh Chorus
And again, I agree, and I add: here there was a problem - take a suburban area or refuse..This is money ... So, the question of how to get the required amount.
and now he says that will not get involved in debt, and the voice at the same time is far from being gentle. and she blames him for that other, normal,husbands go into debt - the whole world is living on credit ...
curves intersect will understand why ... and because the positive for me as the spouse demonstrated by me they are already recognized and do not represent a new chegoto So that the curve of the charm is now. ".slowly and sadly, "is reduced. he had read all the verses which he knew, going to the second round. no, it's the quality of it still remains. The poems that he is well learned before, he did not forget, but it did not add to it a new charmin her eyes.
But new is recognized more and more for me negative qualities.She was so sweet, and suddenly - sarcasm.And he was generous, but now his generosity grew into extravagance against "not us."Poetomuto second curve I called "curve of disappointment."
As seen in the graph, the curve of the charm is now sliding down.A curve frustration climbs to its acme, peak.
What then happens to the curves?
charm curve has moved closer to the x-axis.In addition, the curve tends and disappointment after his acme.This in itself is significant and interesting.But that is not all.With further psychological analysis we still await discovery.
return to the Socratic method.
- What stung the people: a new or well-known for a long time?
- New - many-voiced choir ...
- What later in our process: positive or negative?
- Negative newer - Chora verdict.
Before tinker curves investigate further.What stung: negative or positive, what is more difficult to get used to?
«When I was a kid, I ran in the urban settlement on the column of cold water;and now, if the disconnect hot - I chertyhnus ... "- recalls the not so young people.
A younger and very active admitted that immediately after his marriage with his wife traveled all the new and old friends who had not been at the wedding.All shouted "a pleasure."And those who are not able to "travel around," he excitedly talked about the beauty of his wife.But his enthusiasm eventually became less turbulent and less loud, so now he generally speaks only on occasion, that, well, yes, of course, a beautiful wife ... And this "beautiful wife" sounds quieter.
So we get used to the positive faster than a negative.Because we have received a positive - and all.What is there to further develop the activity ... It is less of an issue ... just experienced reality: as it should, they say, be.
And get used to the negative harder.The nail in the boot, Mayakovsky, "a nightmarish than fantasy in Goethe."He should get, you have to get rid of it.
summarize: Negative experienced sharper because impressions are newer and because of this it is necessary to get rid of the negative.These forces are added.And even if the positive and negative, objectively speaking, equally, negative impressions are leading.
try, of course, very roughly, to display it in our schemes.
On Reeser bold line shows that the positive impressions depreciate over time.A black solid line exaggeratedly arched upwards - negative impressions strengthened compared with the past.
important point.Here it seems that the "he" "appeared" good and "proved" poor.Well, firstly, this is already enough to get a divorce, and, second: maybe he is "special", maybe he misled ... All the more reason.With equal success it is good and not in relation to it, and to her ..., as amended on the floor man ...
been made, however, clear.He was the same as now there.The whole blame game rather unconscious than conscious deception.He, like she, demonstrated advantages.And you - a mutual illusion of mutual evaluation.
Helps emergence illusion of mutual evaluation and the so-called halo effect.Demonstrating positive qualities creates an aura of pleasant, interesting and generally the whole positive person.Now this attitude prevents perceive beginning to emerge disadvantages and facilitates the perception of the pros.The illusion that one "optimal", strengthened.Disappointment, disillusionment occurs after some time.And when all the apparent disadvantages, creates an aura of a bad person, and in this halo of pale those advantages which had once prevailed.
But ... the halo effect is secondary.Without the original eager show of pros and cons to hide and without cons vsetaki climbed - from whence comes this halo - first positive and then negative.And yet, in the mechanism of psychological illusion "kazalsyaokazalsya" halo effect enabled.
We all live in a world of illusions, which constantly have to correct.In the amendments made.The sun at its zenith seems less than sunrise and sunset.Ancient astronomers thought that the Sun revolves around the Earth, but it turned out as a set Galileo, the Earth revolves around the sun.That's against the marriage declared that it is necessary to make amendments.After all, as a person decides? .. Here a failure, no luck.It seemed so, and turned out to be another.It seemed and turned.So, we need to look further.And further.Until we find what you need.To without cheating.A real man.His.The fact that I did the same, that he himself is not ideal, I have a symmetric negative features - is ignored.And the fact that in another embodiment, with slight variations will be the same, is also ignored.And all would be well.Even in these illusions, and life will - will reveal the romance ... While negative pokayfuem.And then again the illusion.Let them: yet will reveal negative - again pokayfuem.And life will be held in the "eternal high."Yes, that's woven into other realities.Children.The property, particularly real estate, if it is considerable and efforts to amass it were serious.Those years.General biography.General Photos.
So let's realize the illusory nature of assessments and their frequency.Understand the following:,